How to talk a woman into bed

An interesting article – I trust that my much later response is still acknowledged as the article remains topical forever. The mark of a good article is shown by posts for and against the proposition put forward. They say that in an established relationship the greatest aphrodisiac for a woman is the man volunteering and doing the dishes.

I suspect, though this article is aimed at that dating and mating jungle epitomised by AMM. In my narrow and limited experience (and surely my view is as valid as any one else) I don’t personally believe that good manners and compliments will achieve that goal. It seems to me that despite what many ladies may say in their profiles about good manners and compliments in their profile they are more likely to go for a “piece of rough” and indeed in this game nice blokes finish last!

Just by way of example (and I am only using one) I seemed to have a reasonable text communication with one lady on the topic of age. However, there is no way I would have pursued her as she had already ruled me out on account of my age and moreover her location (while not wholly insurmountable) never made her an attractive target for me.

So I thought I had a reasonably civilised discourse with her. She had agreed with the premise of the article, while I took the opposite view ie that in my narrow experience on this Site good manners and compliments did not seem to attract the ladies but rather they seemed to have a preference for a “piece of rough”. Anyway she was one of those “rare” ladies on this site providing a full facial profile. I concluded my text conversation by stating that she had a lovely face and in my view therein lay her sex appeal. Of course I was being totally honest with what I saw there. However, she took umbrage at what I said and threatened to block me if I ever contacted her again. I repeat that I was never dating her nor enticing her to bed only continuing a text conversation which I had begun with her and which had seemed to prior to this discussion to be a civilised discourse between two adults.

Suffice it is to say that through her actions she only reinforced my above views. Was it offensive of me to say “sex” on this site! Should I have said charms instead? What it also showed me was that underneath that the veneer of a beautiful facial profile was some one whose attitudes and behaviour I frankly find abhorrent. And that for me was a complete turn-off, despite how pleasant her face may have appeared in her profile photo. By blocking me she would have also done me a favour, no longer having to view her profile among the many others, which may be more of interest to me.

We spend much more of our life out of then in bed. Common courtesies and good manners make for good interaction between fellow human beings. They should also help in the bed room department. Beauty of both body (including the face) and mind should provide the icing on the cake! Because for us males having enticed a lady into bed we also have to perform. Beauty in the eye of the beholder (ie the ladies sex appeal) is what makes us reciprocate to that outer and inner beauty.

You really need to send this to every male on here. The amount of abusive messages I’ve received from men here because I haven’t had the time/ been flooded with messages is very disheartening

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  AMM.Editor

  More than a month ago

  We have an article coming up soon from Eva which specifically addresses this.

How to talk a man into bed:

Find out which is his fave sex position.

I have definitely got a banter test going on that is as important as a guys pics...

And, to his credit, once hooked up with someone who did that really annoying thing of carrying on after you send a polite no. But turned out he was funny and sharp, and the sex was way better for that

hi thats ok to say talk to woman ... i have lost count of how many times i have typed out a message to a lady or couple and really put a lot of thought into it to not have even receive a reply to our message ......

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  Account Closed

  More than a month ago

  It’s because we get flooded with messages

You say you must show interest in getting to know her but don't ask how many sex partners she's had? Why not?
That's the kind of thing that interests me and turns me on is hearing about her sexual adventures, and in fact informs me on what she likes and doesn't.

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  KinkyGirl101

  More than a month ago

  Maybe I'm old fashioned but I would feel very uncomfortable if someone asked me how many sex partners I'd had. Women don't know if you genuinely want to find out that we've had more than you or if you then label us a "slut". I prefer to retain a bit of mystery.
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  jenoo1

  More than a month ago

  I guess that's why I don't understand, because I embrace a woman's sexuality. I think it should be celebrated and explored not hidden.
  Fair enough if you don't want to share, but if I asked it would be non judgemental. I guess the best way to ask is "are you comfortable sharing your sexual past, like number of partners and your best/worst experiences?"
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  Account Closed

  More than a month ago

  I am always happy to talk about previous lovers. They each taught me something and that is what I am bringing to the table. I know it titillates a guy to hear about my previous exploits, and, after all, isn't that what I am trying to do? And my reliving the stories is a turn on for me, so that I am getting excited about any sort of action that might come up, which makes me more attractive.

Yea that's great, but most of the time online when you put that sort of effort in, you get one sentance responses.

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  Account Closed

  More than a month ago

  That's when you move on, don't keep investing in that

Oh so true - BUT, very occasionally there is a woman like the one (had a partner) who called me while I was having dinner some distance from where I was, saying "I'm hot, I want it now, be here in 15 mins or it's off!" Fortunately, I didn't attempt to go. Course women are as bad as course men.
Equally off putting are the women who one may be corresponding with & with one wrong word, one wrong sentence & they drop you immediately with no come back at all.

Thankfully most women (& couples) are normal people who mostly deserve respect, & most enjoy a chat (not about the weather) & when sufficiently aroused will give off small signals to indicated they are interested in something further.

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  Account Closed

  More than a month ago

  I do not think the woman was being coarse. I think she was trying to act towards you as we women have been taught to believe that you want us to be. We have been told that men like us if we are a slut in bed, and that was what she was trying to convey. She did not know you were out at dinner, that sort of information does not come up on the mobile's screen
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  nqsensualgent

  More than a month ago

  Thanks sexintheday, the woman concerned was told of my situation - just said "Well if you can't be here in 15 mins, that's it."
  Yes, I like women to be & play sexy but this situation made me step back a notch.

Dirty talk and role play in bed is much hotter than any of these vanilla suggestions. How was your day? Lol.

If you wanna learn how to catch a fish who would you talk to - the fish or the fisherman?
Lol
Never listen to "what women want". They don't even know themselves, god bless them.

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  Account Closed

  More than a month ago

  Perhaps they communicate it in ways that men struggle to understand?
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  Account Closed

  More than a month ago

  So Aloha you are a real charmer. Of course women know what they want, but we are so used to having our opinions ridden hot shoe over, that our chances of verbalising our needs are not there all that often, or listened to.
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  Aloha19

  More than a month ago

  Uh huh.
  :eye roll:

Um, yeah, us men love this also. But we are sick and tired of being every woman’s ‘different’ guy and when we start the banter, it mostly turns into a one sided convo from us because most respond back in the convo in one or two word answers. Very quick turn off. Today’s dating is a minefield of mental miscommunication.

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  Account Closed

  More than a month ago

  Perhaps the type of banter is not appreciated and to avoid conflict short answers or getting blown off is employed?

I'll pass on a tip,
Gentlemen if you want to talk me in to bed - get your Wife/Girlfriend to do it lol

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  barkly48

  More than a month ago

  Haha... that's fine if there is one...!!
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  kholls

  More than a month ago

  Well how about a single guy like me wanting to talk you to bed? Lol Give me your own tips, you are soo sexy. Seriously wanna talk you to the bed.
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  Edie.S

  More than a month ago

  This is an EXCELLENT tip.

I feel a lot, not all, of the points in this article applies to all people

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  Account Closed

  More than a month ago

  Absolutely

Great article I hope the Neanderthals read it too ...
I say do all of those compliment and try to be sincere - and try your best - sometimes your best just doesn’t cut it - there’s a reason why some girls go for the wild guys - but one piece of advice - if you’re in any doubt as to whether you should kiss the lady - just kiss her !!! You never know and if she slaps you at least you had a kiss !

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  BareNakedLady73

  More than a month ago

  Just yes...

I’ve tried the do’s and try to avoid the don’ts, but I can’t keep a relationship. Any suggestions?

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  Account Closed

  More than a month ago

  You just haven't found the one you click with, go forth and keep looking!!

Re Number 10 on the lists.
It would seem that the word "Bold" has a different meaning in female dictionaries compare to that in male dictionaries.
Definition in a male dictionary.
"When you act in a bold way, you're taking some kind of risk; you could be risking physical danger, embarrassment, or your reputation. Whatever bold actions you take, they are confident and fearless."

Yessssss!

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  Belmont760

  More than a month ago

  would love the opportunity to talk to you in Bed brazenhotlips
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  LittleBuck

  More than a month ago

  Brazenhotlips
  It would be pure enjoyment just to converse with those lips, learn what tastes they like, what wine they like to share , what tales they can tell? And ultimately I would like to taste them too!!

I have all this in my profile. This will depend on the woman also. Many female profile will state what they want in physical attributes ie over 6' height, fit, muscles or athletic, well hung etc. Women can make physical preferences their first deciding factor as their yes or no before they continue to learn about the guy or reply. Even now I'm corresponding with someone who wants to know length as they have an 8" minimum. But I agree with HOT - Honest and Open communication creates Trust. Conversation is the best form of foreplay.

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  Account Closed

  More than a month ago

  And you think girls do not have the same problem? Women are judged far more on their looks than men are, and a lot of us ended up at the back of the queue when the looks were handed out, AND in society, a woman cannot make the first contact, or she is considered desperate, so, we cannot initiate an introduction, unlike guys, who may risk being refused, but, at least they could have a try, they do not have to sit there and wear a fake smile and hope that SOMEONE thinks she might be pretty enough to ask to dance/go out on a date/ introduce to the guys

All well and good but to start any sort of conversation there needs to be a reply. My experience is 1 out of 10 messages are even read and then 1 in 5 of those are answered. Then I have to convince them I'm real and genuine...! I know I'm not a stud and I don't try to be but it's difficult to show it if there isnt any interest shown.

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  BareNakedLady73

  More than a month ago

  This is NO different to being in the chat rooms on here, greeting someone hello and being totally ignored. It happens ALL of the time. Move on.
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  Cantilever54

  More than a month ago

  I Concur 100%. Girls write a provocative profile and simply don’t read or respond, or even read the respondent’s profile.
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  Belmont760

  More than a month ago

  Velvet Strokes
  You figure is a amazing. I'm relocating to your area . I'd love to hook up with you ? x
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  brazenhotlips

  More than a month ago

  Because we get sick of the way 95% of men treat us. We need to protect ourselves.
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  barkly48

  More than a month ago

  Yeah, brazenhotlips, I get that there are some nasty replies, but not everyone is like that. It's difficult trying to stand out from the crowd...!!!

Nicole,
Great article, I agree that and believe that respect is a huge part of what happens between clicking on an intriguing profile and falling into bed.
I haven’t been on here (or any dating site) for very long and didn’t know what to expect or any of the etiquette (so your do’s and don’ts are great).
I learned that women get flooded with messages and winks so if I get a response, that’s great and something to be thankful for.
For me, and I think it’s true for others, this is a place where people are making themselves really vulnerable. And I always try to honour that.
I could never walk into a room with potentially 1000’s of people and take off my shirt and say:
“Hi I’m looking to find a friend with benefits, I think I’m funny, I’m a little over weight, I’m seperated from my ex, I work in the energy industry, I love 69’ing, and if anyone wants me.. I'll just be standing here waiting.”
And yet that’s what we’re all doing, in essence. And as a straight white male, I have it easy as compared: no one is going to comment on my weight, sexual orientation, preferred gender title, Past trauma etc.

So yes, respect the vulnerability we are all showing. And if we start from that point, maybe we can be more respectful in interactions online, which will set the stage for mutual respect/consent in real life.
Mr.J

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  Account Closed

  More than a month ago

  That was an interesting comparison. At least online we are anonymous and if nobody is interested in us, then it is not humiliating because nobody else needs to know

Number 10 on the above lists reminds me of the word "spinster", as in someone is trying to put a new spin on the word "Bold". Being bold means to take risks. Where's the risk if you have to get permission first? These lists will eventually lead to many women becoming acquainted with the original meaning of the word "Spinster". The truth is out there but nobody wants to hear it.
Let the Textual Tournament begin. (For you young'uns that means 'take your shot' or 'do your best' .)

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  KinkyGirl101

  More than a month ago

  Wow, not giving a shit about consent will have your inbox flooded with offers ... not!
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  parrikeet

  More than a month ago

  I hope you realise that by attacking the messenger and not the message means that the message must be right. However I think you've missed the point. I'm saying that Number 10 is illogical. If you want "consent", you cannot expect "Bold" as they are diametrically opposed to each other.
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  KinkyGirl101

  More than a month ago

  Of course you can be bold but still ask for consent. They're not polar opposites. They are two totally different things. Being bold is saying "I'd like to wear a strap-on and fuck your little arse until you come", asking consent is adding postscript"is that something you'd like me to do?". But thanks, mansplaining is my second favourite thing, right after consent.
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  Account Closed

  More than a month ago

  Hey parrikeet,
  I think you can be bold by discussing boundaries - indeed for someone of my vintage (or upbringing) that has been a giant learning curve for me. Talking about what we both want to have happen - instead of letting it happen non-verbally and just seeing how it goes. And I also hear you are concerned that the lack of spontaneity would render sex boring. Maybe that’s true, but what if the “consent talk” was not some rigid ‘do you consent to me kissing you’ but asking about what the person likes or is in to?
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  parrikeet

  More than a month ago

  You can twist it any way you want to but you cant get away from the fact that being bold means taking risks and receiving consent removes any risks. if you are not taking a risk then you are not being bold. To put it simply, consent nullifies boldness.
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  Account Closed

  More than a month ago

  Telling the other party what you want is the bold and risky part, it's showing vulnerability and facing potential rejection
  
  Not having the other parties consent is displaying disrespect and not a safe person to be vulnerable with
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  parrikeet

  More than a month ago

  Before consent is given, you are not telling the other person what you want, you are actually just making a request and the other person has the right of veto. There is nothing bold in that. However, at no stage of this discussion have I said not to get consent. My point is that you can either be bold or get consent, not both.
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  Account Closed

  More than a month ago

  If I may be so bold, may I suggest that boldness and consent can coexist peacefully within the same sentence?
  
  But I also recognise your right to dig in and defend your point on any 10 words of a 3000 word essay. Best of luck out there, my fine feathered friend.

Omg this is so 100% right abd men should read this, you go into chat rooms on here to talk and its everything u said shouldnt be done is being intelligent, able to communicate, and stimulate is far more a sexy turn on for any woman .

Be yourself!

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  kholls

  More than a month ago

  Violet! By the way you are sooo hot. Great body there.

Yes I agree totally. Women need an intellectual and emotional connection as well as the physical. The brain is the largest sex organ and men become lazy. This annoys me because by the time I finally get to chat to a woman they can be very guarded and jaded by their previous experiences with narcissistic men. Men need to be interesting and show her how you would value to her life. ;)

"I'm not the easiest person to know and few people stick around to find out who I am because they are normally after one thing"
This is among what is written on my profile - because it's the truth!
Great article, bang on.

Bang on! Mental stimulation, intelligent banter, being genuinely funny and well mannered.......

........ every single time mmm x

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  kholls

  More than a month ago

  Okay babe ! Sounds like good advice xx
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  Account Closed

  More than a month ago

  I'm not your babe. See, prime example of what NOT stimulates the brain.
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  Account Closed

  More than a month ago

  Yet, I , a woman, will use the term 'Babe' on a guy, and no one is upset about that.
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  neukbeest

  More than a month ago

  And notice how, after smacking down the man, there was absolutely no reply to the woman who pointed out the double standard.
  
  Thanks sexintheday for keeping it real

What a perfect opportunity for men to comment on this and impress the ladies. Go get'em boys!

How true. I have found out that women like the male to be just be himself, natural and true. But I have had my bad moments too when I have said something very general and the woman all of a sudden stop responding. I am very careful with my words but still can't understand how someone can abruptly end the conversation.

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  Account Closed

  More than a month ago

  I use a mobile as my modem. Maybe she dropped the phone

Gotta find one first.