7 Things Lesbians are Sick of Hearing

Attractive lesbian with sleeve tattoos looking intensely at the camera

Being an out and proud lesbian is great. You get to make out with, and have amazing sex with, hot-as-hell women. Having a girlfriend means you get a best friend, a lover and twice the wardrobe all in one. And you get to experience the classic lesbian rite of passage: the crippling disappointment that comes with developing a crush on a straight girl. Oh, and of course being a lesbian means you spend the rest of your life being subjected to random people’s probing questions, amusing assumptions and downright prehistoric takes about your sexuality and identity. Woo! Here’s a light hearted list of the top 7 things lesbians are sick of hearing.

But you don’t look like a lesbian!

Should I make my entrance gayer next time? What if I enter the room with a pussy posse like some sort of lesbian Hugh Hefner? (I wish). Maybe I should stick a rainbow flag in my ass? Honestly, if I had a dollar for every time someone told me that I didn’t look like a lesbian, I could afford to buy a castle large enough for me and at least 65 of my lesbian friends to live in. It’s 2020 and women who are attracted to women come in all shapes, sizes and different haircuts. I love a handsome butch, a masc stud and a short-haired lezzie, but the reality is, my long freshly-curled mane has nothing to do with my attraction to women. Lez be real, I just don’t have the forehead or inclination to pull off a short haircut.

How do lesbians even have sex?

Ask your mum. But seriously, I never know how to answer this question because it’s usually asked by a man and I suddenly feel deeply sorry for his girlfriend and the unimaginative sex life I assume he has. I think the question you should be asking is – how don’t lesbians have sex? Some of us like it mild with tender touches, skilled stroking and the sweet simplicity of hot lesbian bodies grinding up against each other… Some of us like our sex to be accompanied by a bouquet of interesting sex toys… Some of us like doing it in beds, on floors, up against public bathroom walls and in dungeons. To answer the question “how do lesbians have sex?” Let me count the ways…

Do lesbians actually scissor?

This is a question that deeply divides lesbians. Some do, some don’t, but I’m sure all lesbians can agree that the act of scissoring gets way more air time in girl-on-girl porn than is necessary. Tribbing, as it’s also known, essentially involves two women grinding their vulvas against each other in attempt to stimulate their clitorises. It’s prevalence in lesbian porn is because pornography is obviously very visual and watching women scissor each other gives the camera a full clear view of the situation. I personally feel like successful scissoring requires a certain level of athleticism and flexibility that I don’t feel is worth the effort. Each to their own!

Which one of you is the man?

The point of being a lesbian is that there are no men. When people ask me this question, I feel like what they’re really wanting to know is who wears the pants/strap-on in the relationship. There’s this assumption that traditional heterosexual gender roles (a more masculine and a more feminine partner) need to exist in non-conformative relationships. But it’s not always the case and why should it be? Just like with sex, there’s no one dynamic or stereotype of a lesbian relationship. So to answer your question, we take turns wearing the pants/strap-on, Steve. Which brings me to my next point…

Why do lesbians use strapons if they aren’t into men?

There’s this assumption that there has to be a penis involved for sex to be considered sex. And that if a lesbian likes to be penetrated with a strap-on dildo, then why wouldn’t she just shag a real penis? Well, I’m sorry to break it to you but a strap-on isn’t a man. I can’t say that my large purple sparkly vibrating spinning light-up dong bears any resemblance to any penis I’ve ever encountered. Let me put it this way - strap-ons are about the force not the source. While some lesbians see them as a sex life staple, others aren’t fussed. Different strokes for different folks.

My partner and I want you to join us

If you’re a straight couple looking for a hot woman to join you for an epic threesome – don’t contact a lesbian unless she explicity states on her dating profile that she’s into that. Not every woman is bisexual, and not every woman wants to have a threesome with Jim and Jane. You’re more likely to strike unicorn gold and have a mutually satisfying experience by limiting your search to bisexual beauties who are looking for a MF couple to play with. I have joined a few straight couples in the past and let’s just say that Jim’s reality was less hot girl-on-girl show and more surprise lesbian cuckolding. Sorry Jim.

Are you a lesbian because you hate men?

I don’t understand this one. Of course not. I enjoy the company of men… when they are clothed and not entering my body. It’s like assuming men are straight because they hate other men, or that gay guys hate women. I’m a lesbian because I’m attracted to women – I love everything about them. It’s got absolutely nothing to do with men.

11 comments

  • LuluandHarry

    LuluandHarry

    More than a month ago

    Loved the article! Thank you.

    Reply
  • SSExplorer

    SSExplorer

    More than a month ago

    This was an entertaining read although I thought all points were pretty bloody obvious, then I read some of the comments...omg these people really still do
    exist!

    Reply
  • Photos in private gallery

    muscatcouple67

    More than a month ago

    How about the most important question. The lesbian bed death?..Very real. Anecdotally, every female I have asked says it happens, always. The literature backs it up too. But of course, it probably doesn't suit you narrative that it's trendy, fun and all rosey!.

    • KinkyGirl101

      KinkyGirl101

      More than a month ago

      Isn't that the marriage death bed and the impetus for most of the couples (and the married men & women) on this site. Not exclusively a hetero issue.

    Reply
  • kat555

    kat555

    More than a month ago

    Aimee Wee the point of being a lesbian is there are no men. How can you say that? Lesbians wouldn't exist if there were no men. Lesbians have male friends too sorry.

    • AMM.Editor

      AMM.Editor

      More than a month ago

      If you read it in context of the question being asked Amie has said there is no "man" required in a FF relationship, ie. it doesn't need to follow the heteronormative status quo of someone having to be the "female" and the other person being the "male" in the relationship. This is what many people mistakenly perceive as "normal" and unfortunately perpetuates the myth which is, after all, what that particular question refers to.

    Reply
  • Booblover31

    Booblover31

    More than a month ago

    what a brilliant piece!! Over the years i have been asked all of the above, and still get ask to this day, especially point 4 and 7.

    • Ifuwannadome

      Ifuwannadome

      More than a month ago

      some people are a waste of air, makes you wonder what their sex life is like lol so naive

    Reply
  • justme3858

    justme3858

    More than a month ago

    Brilliantly explained i have several friends that are lesbians and are better friends than some guys

    • kat555

      kat555

      More than a month ago

      You never met the right guy.

    Reply
  • JeanMichele

    JeanMichele

    More than a month ago

    Do people actually ask these questions anymore? And by that I mean, does a large swathe of the population ask these questions anymore? Seems to me that certain groups are trying to hold onto a past that is (largely) long gone. Just a thought.

    Reply
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