Let's Bust Some Myths About What Men Don’t Care About During Sex
Eva Sless
on 8 January 2022
17 comments
When it comes to sexual intimacy, some women can find it a little hard to relax and let go. This is partly because for so many years women have been told they need to be "perfect" so that men will want them, and also because the "how to be perfect" is not only constantly changing, but is also nigh on impossible to achieve. You just need to look at advertisements targeted at women throughout the ages to see this in play.
We've been told to douche with bleach cos our bits smell too much like vaginas. To starve ourselves to emaciation because we're too fat. To pluck almost every hair from our bodies cos ew, hair is yuck.
We paint our faces, flatten our curves, contort our feet, squish our bodies, and change or enhance so much of who we actually are, because we're conditioned to believe not only is that what men want, but also to believe that what men want should be the priority as to what we want.
Not only is this utter bullshit because there's no such thing as perfection, it's also utter bullshit because men, for the most part, are nowhere near as shallow and picky about women's bodies and aesthetics as society will have us believe, and are often completely shocked to find out that that's what women do, and that they do it because that's apparently what men want.
Now as you all know, I am not a man. But I do have a lot of men in my life, and I have slept with a lot of men, and have spent many, many hours talking to men about sex, intimacy, and all the things society puts out there for all genders and sexualities, so I think I can safely give you all a short but comprehensive list of all those things we as women have been told men care about during sex but, in actual reality, they really don't give two damns about.
Matching Undies
Seriously, most guys don't give a shit what your undies look like. They're far more interested in getting them off you than anything else and while sure, you want them to be clean and not full of holes, many women don't even HAVE matching sets.
My girlfriends and I even have a running joke that when we DO wear matching underwear sets we're probably going to end up dead later that day. That's cos probably the only time women are ever seen in matching bras and undies (unless they're walking in a Victoria Secret runway show) is when a she is dead on the slab on an American crime show.
Sure, a matching set can be super sexy and sometimes that's a whole part of the sexy time, and can make you feel good about yourself, but for the most part, it's really not important to the man in your bed.
Your Belly Rolls
We all have them. Even super models have them. (OMG even men have them!!) They are there because our skin needs to be able to bend and flex to hold in our internal organs without ripping.
Some of us are more curvy and have extra rolls and that's okay too. Fat is not a dirty or bad word. It's just a thing some of us have. Some guys love those extra bits. They love the feel of the softness of your skin. They love the fullness of your belly. The extra curves to grab. They love the weight of your body on them. They just really, really like you and everything you are. You are comfort and warmth and gorgeously sexy and they are very much in love with touching every part of you.
Your Scent
This is probably one of the biggest, and possibly most dangerous, lies ever told to women - that the natural smell of their vagina is gross and dirty, and off-putting to men.
This is absolutely false and is designed to do nothing but make women feel ashamed and spend money on products they don't need. The scents that come from an excited and horny vagina can be one of the most erotic and arousing smells a man can come across, with many men telling me it's utterly intoxicating and mouthwatering.
I say it's dangerous because changing those scents with artificial enhancements, or trying to get rid of them all together, can cause all sorts of imbalances in your vagina, causing dryness, itchiness, infection, and all sorts of other nasties. Trust me, you smell amazing. That deep, musky, heady scent is like a cartoon pie, hooking them under the nose and dragging them in a hypnotic state to your side. Let them feast!
Varying Vulvae
Your vulva, and all the gorgeous folds and secret spots within, is beautiful. Whether it's long or short, or has visible labia or is all tucked up out of sight. Its normal. It's gorgeous. And he absolutely wants to touch it, taste it, play with it, and make it shiver.
While sure, magazines and porn make it look like all vaginas and their associated areas look like a Barbie Doll's, that's just not reality, and most men know this, just as most women know that all penises come in different shapes, sizes, and colours.
The labia are often a different, darker colour to the outer vulva and inner skin, and their shape and size varies as much as any other body bit varies from someone else's. The whole area itself is as unique to you as your fingerprints are and, for so many men, exploring and discovering how yours works and what yours likes is an adventure they're excited about taking. Just as you should never try and compare yourself to a strategically posed, highly airbrushed model in a magazine, so too should you stop comparing your bits to what you see in porn. It's not real, you are, and that's what he wants.
Queefs and Other Noises
Humans have bodies and bodies make noises. Especially when bodies come into close and intimate contact with other bodies. They just do. Trying to ignore or stop that from happening is a recipe for disaster and embarrassment, and takes away from the fun and silly nature that is sex. A vagina having intercourse gets air trapped inside it. When the obstruction is removed so too does the air escape and sometimes that makes a noise. It's funny! Laugh! If he laughs please know he isn't laughing AT you. He's laughing at the farty noise because farty noises are funny. Also, the more you laugh during sex, the more endorphins are released, and the more enjoyment you will get out of it.
Hairy Bits And Stubbly Legs
Yes, sometimes a bit of stubble can be a little scratchy (hey guys, beards n stuff) but for the most part, having hair on your vulva, legs, or armpits are non issues for men. Sure you'll have some that aren't into it at all, but that's definitely a "them" problem and not a "you" one, and you'll probably know this about them before you get to that pants dropping stage. Pubic hair is something that is definitely making a comeback in all forms of art from pornography to erotic photography and it's a welcome return for many, many people of all genders and sexualities. If you want to shave or wax or de-hair yourself then that's your right, but don't think you have to do it to make yourself more attractive or more desirable to anyone else. It's your body. You can do whatever you like.
In a nutshell, if a man is attracted to you and wants to sleep with you it's because he's attracted to you and wants to sleep with you, rolls and folds and jiggles and all. Even though we've already established there's no such thing as perfection, to him, in that moment, you are perfect, and it's time you thought of yourself in that way too.
17 comments
Bievan
More than a month agoThis article is so on point it’s not funny, ladies please relax & enjoy the moments you have, also please take note of this article as it’s as true as I know about me & the guys I know.
ReplySurrealLife
More than a month agoGreat article Eva. I’m a woman in my 50’s and have more body confidence now than I did in my 20’s. Getting rid of the historical messaging we’re raised with as young girls is not easy. I’ve come to learn over the years that the more I embrace my body as it is, the more desirable it is to a man. Oh… you are so right about our scent:)
ReplyTheTruthHurts44
More than a month agoThere is so much that is right with this article, Thank you for taking the time to write it and help remove the B/S that makes people feel like shit about themselves. Everyone is beautiful in their own way and articles like this help others to see that.
Replywhynothaveago5
More than a month agoGreat read.
ReplyI wear matching for ME! It makes me feel sexy, and desirable. I have an extensive lingerie collection and match almost always, and never for my hubby or men. That shit is for me!
Zamboon
More than a month agoLadies - you are beautiful and gorgeous and lovely and each one if you is unique - communicate your desires and discuss techniques and wants - and if in doubt just show up naked - you wont find a man that will complain !
ReplyGratefully yours ...
barkly48
More than a month agoAnother great article Eva, when I read the headline, I thought oh, here we go, another female giving a blokes perspective, but when I saw it was you, I knew it would be well researched. I’d just like to add that you lovely ladies don’t have to go to all that trouble to impress most of us. Just be yourselves, you don’t need to spend $$ on fillers, plumpers, foundation, blush, etc… the pages of ads from pharmacies show how much they rely on you thinking you need to change. We (most) don’t care all that much. I for one, just want someone natural.
ReplyJacquijay46
More than a month agoThank you Eva for a brilliantly written article. I am in my late 40s, I am curvy and I have COVID lockdown rolls. If a man is attracted to me and wants to sleep with me, I also know that he is also attracted to me as in person. Totally agree with Dani and Jack, we are all perfect in our own way
ReplyTheMrDon
More than a month agoSome of the ironies in this discussion, is the use of the terms 'body positive' by those who have the 'social media' body, and 'age is just a number'! Which ultimately serves to ensure that those of us who don't have that body type or are not quite young (and fit?) enough feel somewhat embarrassed..
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ReplyDeliciousEva
More than a month agoYes see that's where the "positivity" movement has fallen and been twisted to become the very opposite of what it was supposed to be. Similar to 'sex positivity" . It was never about being thin and young. It was never about size or shape in any sense . It was only ever about personal acceptance, self love, and non judgement of others. And that's how I write it and view it . (Also, I am not young nor am I particularly thin at this moment, so I do hope your comments were aimed at general society and not at my words specifically :) )
Account Closed
More than a month agoThank you for following up! My comments were aimed very much at the broader society where the meanings of these phrases have become quite skewed.
HOSTINGSUCKA
More than a month agoIts all media and social media pressure for the 'perfect look'. Just watch any blockbuster movie - the drop dead gorgeous leading lady and the buffed masculine leading man.
Its not just women either.
Men are in exactly the same boat. Men also have to look perfect (six pack, square jaw line, perfect teeth), The right amount of body hair (have I too much, have I too little, shall I wax it all off), the right designer label clothes, smell perfect, the corporate ladder job, the right European badged car - and to top it all off, perform like a pornstar in the bedroom with a penis of the perfect length and girth.
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ReplytriXXXi66
More than a month agoNah, a woman just wants a man to be honest, clean and normal… all this waxing n shaving of body areas with men to me is unnecessary.. just be a man!
Notsonewnow
More than a month agototally agree triXXXi66
DANIandJACK
More than a month agoOmg..... great blog
ReplyEverything written is so true. Especially for us over 40s, we embrace every single part of our bodies, no matter what shape or size. We love our bodies and our sexual partners bodies. We are all perfect in our own way!
lovebbwladies
More than a month ago100% agree with this. It’s what makes a lady sexy.
Replymacdrewdly
More than a month agoAbsolutely correct about the desire to be with the person than the perfection. Much more interested in the person, and the shared entertainment and mutual satisfaction, than the wrapping paper. Wrapping paper is nice, however, it pretty soon is out of the way when the celebrations are on.
ReplyTheMrDon
More than a month agoThank you Eva, for telling it like it is. It's probably a bigger turn-off to me as a guy, to be with an overly self conscious woman who is more concerned about what she looks like, rather than letting go and being in the moment. I've experienced a lover who insisted on wearing a top, to cover the very minor tummy! It took quite a while for me to explain that I found these curves attractive.. Thanks for your insight.
ReplyRe Scents and Body Odours: with a recent lover, I found the biggest turn on for me when she arrived at my place, was the same of ALL of her including her pits and gi-gi! Intoxicating is an understatement - I'd get hard instantly and stay that way as long as I was 'sniffing'. Thanks for this wonderful insight, which confirms my belief!
Thanks again for this thinking.
Don