Why don’t women reply to my messages?

Woman wearing a cream lace dress sitting at a table checking her online messages

Hey guys. Here are a few reasons you may not be getting a response from women and how to improve the chances that your message is read, and replied to.  

Feel like you’re putting yourself out there on Adult Match Maker and getting nothing in return? Has your inbox developed cobwebs and an echo? When you do get a message, do you find it’s rarely from someone you actually want to date? Or do you find yourself getting ghosted after a few back and forth messages?

Online dating can be tricky but it’s certainly not impossible to master, and yet so many men mess up the basics and wonder why they’re not getting responses from women.

From your choice of profile picture to your opening line, here are some reasons your contact initiations might be falling short and how to change that.

We don’t know what you look like

It doesn’t matter if you’ve crafted the perfect message, if you don’t have a decent profile photo, you’ve already put yourself on the back foot. Ask yourself – would you reply to a message from a faceless stranger? Probably not. As much as we like to think that dating is all about personality, online dating is also very visual. Women want to see who they’re talking to. Oh, and also, when we stress the importance of a profile photo. we’re talking about wanting to see your face. Not your abs. And we certainly don’t want our first impression of you to be a visceral close-up of your rock hard dong sent via a message to get our attention.

Your first message is all wrong

First impressions count, so make sure your opening line grabs her attention! Starting off with a simple “hi” or “how are you?” might seem pretty neutral, but it’s too neutral. It’s so neutral that all it’s likely to elicit is a big yawn. You need to stand out! Get creative and take a risk, but don’t get risqué. Refrain from anything overtly sexual and save the “Want to swallow my load?” questions for later. Much later. Even never. 

Instead, read her profile thoroughly and ask her about one of her interests or something you both have in common. This shows her that you have actually read her profile and give a fuck. Plus, it will also give you something to talk about. Or start with a joke – after all, online dating is less about survival of the fittest and more about survival of the wittiest. Women tell us banter is everything when it comes to messaging and feeling a connection with someone. 

And keep in mind that women can see a preview of your message so if your standard opener is “hi” there’s no reason to even click read.  Zero effort on your part = zero chance of a reply. And if it looks like a cut & paste you’ve sent to every woman on the site you’re not going to get a response either. 

If you need more inspiration, make sure to check out our articles about getting the banter flowing and making love to the mind.

Your second message is all wrong 

Women can get overwhelmed by messages, particularly men who send 1 then 2 and then 10 messages to try to get someone's attention. After the third message you’re almost guaranteeing you won’t get a response. And reporting women who opt not to reply or leave a conversation is an abuse of that feature and wastes valuable support time investigating false reports.

And finally let’s talk about offering rewards or money for sex to women on the site. If you didn’t get a response to your first message do you honestly think that implying a woman is a sex worker by offering her $200 for a blow job is going to generate a response? At the very least you will get blocked, potentially the woman closes her account because she is thoroughly disgusted, or she reports you and you get a warning or perhaps even a ban. Just. Don’t. Do. It.

Your profile is all wrong

Think of your profile as the first impression. In a sea of thousands of dating profiles, your opening line is golden. You need to be able to catch the attention of the type of woman you’re seeking, while giving a decent representation of yourself.

One of the biggest problems I see with dating profiles that “aren’t working” are that the profile owner starts their profile by saying what they don’t want. Women looking at your profile want to know what you do want, not what you don’t want. 

Another factor that might be affecting your message rate, is if your profile is too long. Cut that shit down right now! A long profile is a boner killer. You might have a thousand great stories, but for the love of brevity, don’t start off with a monologue – it’s called a one-liner for a reason. Give your prospective dates a teaser, and leave some room for intrigue. We just want to know if there’s a spark, not your life story.

And it could be as simple as the profile name you’ve chosen. That hilarious name you thought of after 10 bourbons last Saturday may not be as funny as you think it is. 

You sent a dick pic

Although we mentioned this above, it really is an instant turn off for the majority of women. There is only one appropriate instance for you to send a picture of your exposed genitals to a woman on a dating site, and that’s when she asks for one. As badly as you might want to introduce an attractive stranger to your anonymous dick before she sees your face, just don’t. Spoiler: we don’t find dick pics nearly as flirty or fascinating as you think we do. If you feel absolutely compelled to send an unsolicited explicit dick pic and you don’t know why you’re like this, you can probably blame science for that one.

She doesn’t feel safe

Men and women have completely different struggles when it comes to online dating. While men struggle with an empty inbox, women have the opposite problem. We also deal with abuse when saying no or rejecting a man’s advances, and we are also inherently more alert about staying safe. As Eva wrote in an earlier article, “The most common reason women who may have once been interested in casual sex but aren’t any more is the way they are treated by men in the initial stages of communication.” A few things you can do to make her feel safe when communicating is: don’t ask super personal questions, don’t hassle her to meet up before she’s ready, respect her boundaries and treat her with respect if she rejects you. For some tips on making her feel safe and comfortable, check out Eva’s article.

Maybe she’s just not that into you

If you feel like you’ve done and said all the right things and you’ve still been left on read, it could just be that she’s just not looking for what you’re offering. Chin up! You need to remember that dating is a numbers game. To get the best success, don’t just send a message to one potential date and hope for a response. Instead putting your focus on one person, cast the net a little wider by contacting a bunch of women who interest you, and see who bites. Not only will this give you a better success rate, it will also help you become a champion at banter and flirting. 

Keep in mind that, like you, women specify the age range of the men they are looking for. If you only have a Silver or Gold membership with a small number of message credits each day don’t waste your messages on women who have already told you in their profile that they’re not interested in someone of your age or have a preference for men to be unattached. Younger or older – it doesn’t matter – they have stated a preference so respect that. 

And finally, rejection is a part of life, love and of course, online dating. So be a gentleman and take it in your stride. It just wasn’t meant to be.

130 comments

  • blue262 Photo

    blue262

    More than a month ago

    I've had stacks of message convos going at once. Even if you don't particularly mesh with someone, it can be rewarding to get to know someone. Some fizzle really quickly if there's a big values mismatch, for me it's anti-vaxxers and the self-involved.
    You get to see real patterns though. Women face some very deep ugliness no matter how politely they tell a man "No thanks." Messages come back full of insults and even threats, and I hear that a lot.
    Then there's the wildly pornographic second-or-third message, where a guy has had a little bit of flirty attention and thinks it's time to go batshit listing all the things he wants to do with her. About a 98% chance of being blocked there, guys.
    Lastly, and I'm nobody's life-coach here, remember, if you think agreeing with a woman and being 'nice' isn't just a posture to get what you want, you're gonna have to grow a personality. Even dense people can instinctively tell the difference between someone nice and someone good.
    Then, just to make everything hopelessly confusing, it really is possible to message "Nice tits!" and have a reply "Glad you like 'em! Come on over ya sexy barstid!"

    • Angelonduty Photo

      Angelonduty

      More than a month ago

      OMG Blue262… you have absolutely nailed it in one… your post made me PMSL!!! Kudos to you and well done 👍

    Reply
  • triXXXi66 Photo

    triXXXi66

    More than a month ago

    Spot on Amie, these are all valid reasons to not respond, even tho I always respond.. albeit sarcastically and ‘giving what I got’ to those who are rude or don’t make an effort!

    Reply
  • SinsSydney Photo

    SinsSydney

    More than a month ago

    There is a psychological component which doesn't appear to be addressed.
    Apart from the ones who are challenged in the writing arena, there is the
    disparity in numbers,so if someone is getting inundated with messages
    then that can create a disassociation so whether a message is dull or well
    written won't make much difference unless that person is aware of that.
    I have done tests here and whether i write a short dull message or an
    articulate very well written message, the response is usually the same.
    So in conclusion it makes little difference if a message ticks all the
    boxes or not.

    Reply
  • Account closed

    Greenasgrass73

    More than a month ago

    If you ain't getting down and dirty with chat with the horny lustful women here, you're doing something wrong. It ain't all about you. If you can't dirty it up real quick you're choosing the wrong ladies to chat with. A thousand words is worth one pic not vice versa. Well maybe 100 words, or even 10 carefully crafted panty moisteners. Who needs dick pics when you've got words. Cheers ladies! You are all so fucking gorgeous on this site. Yum.

    Reply
  • Lustorloven Photo

    Lustorloven

    More than a month ago

    Well considering the ratio is terribly unbalanced , and women get inundated with messages, it’s no wonder men don’t get a reply . Example at any time within 100 k there will be about 20 women online ( if you are lucky )and at the same time within 100k there will be about 300 to 400 men online , it’s not that hard to see why men don’t get a reply , when the women on Line get way too many messages to be able to reply
    To or even read

    Reply
  • Achinglips Photo

    Achinglips

    More than a month ago

    Spot on article
    1. Stop sending dick pics
    2. If you get turned down, nothing is wrong with you(honestly). I have a type , just like I might enjoy mayo on my chips… “ enough with the abuse”
    3. I get lots and lots and lots of messages. I first try to be on here everyday to prevent backlog . If I get busy at work or am sick for a few days , it can be a lot to sort through.
    If say I respond to 15 msgs “hi how are you?” With “I’m fine” and each one of those responds plus a new set of 15 messages for the day , it gets overwhelming
    4. I think because we girls get lots of messages, perhaps a straight to the point non sexual message based on our profile might work?
    5. As I’m writing this . I’v received two messages (a) “I’d like to sling one up you” and
    (B) “oh when do you get back. Do you like my schlong?”
    *sigh*

    • Fredted678

      Fredted678

      More than a month ago

      Hi,

      I’m absolutely agreed with you

      Love it.

    Reply
  • Account closed

    SweetestSins

    More than a month ago

    Yes!!
    This is accurate!
    I need to see pics.. a message with no pics and “hey want to chat” or “I’m 35 from Sydney if you want to know more just ask” sparks zero interest.. there is thousands of other messages sitting there with context, why would we waste our time fishing for info from a baseless message from a stranger. You’re probably awesome and interesting but messages like this are dull AF and won’t get you far.

    Quoting my profile back to me, word for word “I ** insert lines from my profile** isn’t going to work.. I appreciate you took the time to read it, but telling me that you’re exactly what I’m looking for word for word just makes it feel like you’re just trying to tick boxes. I go for the vibe I get from you, not a checklist.

    Also…
    Dick pics on the toilet - stop ittttt! Bowl in the background, undies at the ankles.. clearly taking a dump but “I should send her a pic of my cock”, please for the love of god stop doing this.


    • Fredted678

      Fredted678

      More than a month ago

      People who send dick pics are really idiot.

    • triXXXi66 Photo

      triXXXi66

      More than a month ago

      Spot on Sweetest!

    Reply
  • surph71 Photo

    surph71

    More than a month ago

    Firstly, rejection for men is not an issue. From the moment we are born men face the world of rejection - education, the sporting arena and now the dating game.
    What amuses me the most about Adult Match Maker is the incongruence of a woman’s profile online versus a woman’s sexual ideology in the real world. An example of an online profile written by a woman seeking a man:- Straight , Single, Newbie Swingers, looking for Casual Sex, Something Discreet, Friendship, Threesomes, Parties & Events, Swinging” with supporting information on her profile stating “ Casual Sex Fuckbuddies, Dogging / Public Sex, Gangbangs, Group Sex, Something discreet” however, once I post a “Hello - you have an extreme variety of sexual tastes, would you like to discuss one online?” The reply is usually- ‘No thanks- I am not interested in you’ & I merely say “ Merci- good luck in your search”.
    Ladies, my only suggestion please do not use hyperbole to increase your rank and file on the “Hottest Female Profile on AMM” list to only put yourself into the “Unattainable Category “ because you simply don’t live up to your documented expectations. Good luck…

    • Angelonduty Photo

      Angelonduty

      More than a month ago

      Thanks for sharing that. The very same applies to men. The talk up on profiles is quite a different experience when in the sack.

    • surph71 Photo

      surph71

      More than a month ago

      I am in absolute agreeable with you on your comment. Authenticity is paramount in the online dating game (it’s a tragedy to have to use the word - game to describe online dating apps), otherwise the individual interacting with digital dating will become disillusioned and withdrawn from their ultimate desire for enrolling on AMM - the interaction and possible the sexual interaction with others.

    • triXXXi66 Photo

      triXXXi66

      More than a month ago

      True Angel on duty… and the best one is.. I will make you cum before I do! Lololol

    • Angelonduty Photo

      Angelonduty

      More than a month ago

      Yep that is widely written triXXX 😊

    Reply
  • kickingaround Photo

    kickingaround

    More than a month ago

    OK... I've decided on a new approach... I'm going to start replying with "thanks for saying hi, but you need to read the blog post on the front page by Amie.... Why don’t women reply to my messages?"

    Then they can come here and get educated... I'll probably still block them too

    Reply
  • Alicewho Photo

    Alicewho

    More than a month ago

    What’s with this line when you tun a guy down because he only wants sex at your place …. “Awww ok no worries… if u ever r up for some fun u can let me know if u like? I dont think ur too far away from me too”. … do they think we have no option and are going to be desperate and gaging for it. Please dont send that message maybe rephrase it … “if I have the time to take you out then I will ask again and see if you are available…”. Gee then at least you can tell that they have comprehended where you are coming from.

    • tastetester61 Photo

      tastetester61

      More than a month ago

      "Only wants sex at your place"
      Don't any of these rocket scientists realise that you will spend more time together without sex than with. I always thought that the main attraction to women was their company. Sex is the icing, different partners are the different flavours.

    • NicTheChick51 Photo
      Online icon

      NicTheChick51

      More than a month ago

      Is it OK to be truthful? Truth is, I'm renovating and my house has too many trip hazards. OK, and the fact that I TRULY AM RENOVATING!!!!! F, it is what it actually is, my place is a shambles rught now, if you want to fuck me, has to be at yours. Why cant a man get that? SHE TRADIE, I AM THE SHE, man. oh your poor deluded male......

    • tastetester61 Photo

      tastetester61

      More than a month ago

      I was in agreement with Alicewho. If you have a reason and explain it, fair enough, but when a guy puts it the way Alice did, it would be easy to think he's not single. Or lives with his mum.

      I'm not deluded, you just got the intent of my reply arse about.

    Reply
  • Profile invisible

    Mish801Sydney

    More than a month ago

    Yes, please just leave your phone number - I'm going to call you immediately - not!

    Reply
  • Newday2play Photo

    Newday2play

    More than a month ago

    For the guys seeking to find a compatiable women or hot couples to play with on AMM ..the harsh reality is that most adult and/or dating sites are around the 10/ 20 to 1 ratio men to women.
    .......when is the last time u got a 20/1er home at the race track ? Lol. Ive had a steady flow of meets and playtime with AMM members over the 10 or so years ive been a member here, certainly fine tuned my approach over that time , be nice and be real and dont be pushy is what ive found gets the best results, leave the smutty stuff out and let the conversion evolve to the flirting stage, its a lot of work for a single male and 1000s of message with no replies or "thanks but no thanks" type responses are the majority result .....bottom line is pay up for a decent membership, be nice and get busy on the key pad !
    Take care and good luck !

    Reply
  • MrBobDobalina69 Photo

    MrBobDobalina69

    More than a month ago

    Well I must just be a ugly fuck. Have never had any luck on this site I am nice polite concise. Never got me nowhere. I try then give up try again thinking this will be the time only to fail again. I know i'm not the best looking guy out there but also far from the worst. I think I am smart and fun but alas no luck.

    Your Tips are useless to someone who has tried it all.

    Reply
  • MissMasBeach Photo

    MissMasBeach

    More than a month ago

    Countless articles like this tell guys not to send unsolicited dick pics or use dick as their profile pic. Every woman in the scene says it's a turn off. These guys must have experienced countless rejections after doing it.
    But they still do it. Some people just can't be told.

    Reply
  • Alicewho Photo

    Alicewho

    More than a month ago

    Brilliant and I’ve discussed this topic a heap of times with my cis girlfriends and they agree entirely. I thought it was just Trans Girls that were treated as desperate but its all girls.

    A lot of the messages imply we are supposed to open our front door to a perfect stranger or a dick pic.

    Thank you for this hope a lot of guys read it. I've outlined on another site that Trans Girls are real people with real lives and want to be treated with respect in guys messages not as sex workers and free ones at that.

    • MrBobDobalina69 Photo

      MrBobDobalina69

      More than a month ago

      I would love to meet a trans girl have been looking for a long time. I am respectful, nice, smart. A total gentleman have never sent a dick pic or anything disrespectful. But I have never had any luck on this site or any other. I have just asked for a refund from another site as I keep getting messages saying how nice I look and would I like to chat. I reply with respect and then get ghosted this has happened at least a dozen times. So even guys get screwed. Maybe you might think he is just saying he's a good guy. All my friends think I am and can't believe I can't find a girlfriend Trans or Genetic. Anyway just wanted to say it's not just ladies that get a hard time

    Reply
  • Kalona49 Photo

    Kalona49

    More than a month ago

    Excellent article, totally agree.
    When someone makes contact and piques my interest I will look at and read their profile and if there is no information in it I delete the contact because if the person cannot be bothered to say anything about themselves then I cannot be bothered either.
    Oh and if I am engaged in a conversation and the guy decides it is ok to call me a slut or a whore simply because I enjoy sex - well, the block button is very easy to use.

    Reply
  • maestro11 Photo

    maestro11

    More than a month ago

    The article is good but it is written for heterosexual males. Would love some tips on bi sexual, same sex and transexual inclusion. Xxx

    • AMM.Editor Photo

      AMM.Editor

      More than a month ago

      Hi, yes it was written that way because it's one of the questions which come through to Support regularly - how do I get women to read my messages? The same suggestions apply regardless of gender or sexual orientation. There is also an earlier post from 2020 about approaching trans women which does have some additional comments from members which may be of interest.

    • Alicewho Photo

      Alicewho

      More than a month ago

      For Trans Girls its pretty much the same … most men make the assumption that we were born male so “we are always up for it”. … not true…

    • cosican007 Photo

      cosican007

      More than a month ago

      This is a very good point all woman regardless of in what way you consider your self a woman it’s a general thing so let’s get on with it and stop making it a transgender separation if you want inclusive you need to stop seperateing

    Reply
  • trigona Photo

    trigona

    More than a month ago

    Oh this article is rad. Thank you for writing it! Hopefully it gets read and taken into consideration. Admittedly my profile pic is me in lingerie lmao. I’ll be fiddling with it later. I didn’t think it was news that women don’t want random dick pics but looking at some of these comments… oh boy. Forever grateful I didn’t verify and don’t have access to adult mode :)

    Reply
  • shenawarrior Photo

    shenawarrior

    More than a month ago

    No idea why so many profile photos look like they were not aware the photo was being taken? Smile, look at the camera/ audience. Tidy the mess in the room behind you, close the toilet lid .....

    • BBWmature Photo

      BBWmature

      More than a month ago

      Great tips…..lol

    • KatiesKitty Photo

      KatiesKitty

      More than a month ago

      Oh gosh yes, the background of a selfie is soooo revealing!

    Reply
  • phoenix1323 Photo
    Online icon

    phoenix1323

    More than a month ago

    Just in response to a comment below and the way people approach others in messages and chat..

    .. yes we provide a lot of detail about what we like in our profiles.

    That doesn’t give you the right to launch straight into “ I want to pull your hair/scratch/bite you”.

    I think the decision by AMM to include specific tags for kinks, BDSM etc is a two edged sword. Yes, it’s great to know that you like similar things. But reading those things or seeing someone discussing those things in a chatroom is not an automatic acceptance that we want to do those things with you.

    Most women who are into kink / BDSM aren’t going to be receptive to someone assuming they will be accepted to perform those acts. Yes, I get offended when someone, who doesn’t even start a normal conversation, says he’s going to bite me and I WILL like it. On the same token, just because someone says she’s into BDSM, or that she’s submissive, doesn’t mean she wants to gift her submission TO YOU.

    Kink and BDSM come with a certain kind of etiquette for most of those who are fully into it. A woman who expresses those interests on her profile doesn’t necessarily want that from every person she meets. Most women, myself included, want to know someone inside and out before they trust their safety to them.. and for a lot of us, that’s what this comes down to. Safety and trust.

    And never use a label for someone you don’t know. Just because a woman looks kinky according to her profile, doesn’t mean you get to call her brat, or slave or any other term used in BDSM. If you don’t have a dynamic with that person, you do not assume anything towards them. Just. Don’t.

    • tastetester61 Photo

      tastetester61

      More than a month ago

      I totally agree with this comment. You can't be a dom without a sub, and you can't be a sub without a dom. It's a relationship, based on a LOT of trust. Being demanding makes you an arse, not a dom, and that includes for the entirety of the relationship.

    • AdHoC47 Photo

      AdHoC47

      More than a month ago

      I agree.
      A lot of Ar*eholes fancy themselves as "Doms" thinking that being an overbearing controlling prick is all that's required.
      In reality the Sub is the partner that is in "control" or at least should be via respect, trust and discussion beforehand between Dom and Sub.

      Ultimately...
      A Kink is not licence for abuse.

      Stay Safe, Stay Sexy everyone.

    Reply
  • phoenix1323 Photo
    Online icon

    phoenix1323

    More than a month ago

    It’s a fine line to tread.. what is too much, what is too little, in regard to everything on a site. I agree with most of this article, so well written as well.. but the responses show that some really just don’t get it, even when it’s laid out before them in black and white. A male friend in the chat room suggested I read this, and the comments, he himself was in disbelief about them.
    The only point I personally disagree with the author about is profile detail. I want to read a lot of detail. I want to know before we’ve even messaged that there’s something about you that catches my eye, piques my interest. Of course, that’s a personal preference, and if there’s not a lot of detail, or the profile is full of self flagellation, I scroll past. On the other side, my profile is quite detailed with exactly what I want, a guy even messaged purely just to say my profile is too long and he couldn’t be bothered reading it.. which is perfectly fine with me, because if he won’t take the time, he’s not going to hold my interest anyway.
    Guys, just remember: if you want to make an impression, treat women on here the same as you would any woman in your own personal life. Be respectful. Be polite. Show genuine interest in what she’s telling you, in her profile and her messages. If she’s not interested, she’s not interested.. don’t keep messaging her. Get to know her.. because until you do, she doesn’t know you from a bar of soap and she’s not going to give you what you want. Make a connection before expecting to jump in the sack. It’s not that hard.

    • tastetester61 Photo

      tastetester61

      More than a month ago

      Hear here.

    • AMM.Editor Photo

      AMM.Editor

      More than a month ago

      Just a reply to your suggestion about bringing back when members joined. The issue here is that we found women didn't want to be seen as "long term" members, again due to the comments made by men and the potential number of partners they may have had over that time. How do we counter that? Women would close their profiles and open a new one just to avoid the stigma. So then men waste a second message to contact the same woman. We also then get the men complaining that the woman has multiple profiles which is even more work for Support.

    • phoenix1323 Photo
      Online icon

      phoenix1323

      More than a month ago

      @AMM.Editor I get how that would be a problem. Maybe it’s possible to make it a hidden feature somehow, that you can show if you choose? I have no idea about tech stuff. I just know it was easier to spot a fake profile, or the new profile of an arsehat that I’d reported and blocked. No easy answer I guess

    • AMM.Editor Photo

      AMM.Editor

      More than a month ago

      That might be an option, display it if you wish to, sort of how you can choose to share your location or just a distance.

    • SandS2022 Photo

      SandS2022

      More than a month ago

      Another rule that should be implemented is people have recent photos under 12 months old.So many profiles using photos that they have had on there for 10 years or so.Also the amount of fake profiles with men pretending to be women,they stand out a mile and need to be cleaned up!

    Reply
  • Account closed

    mellyfofu969

    More than a month ago

    Thank you for writing this. It's completely true from my point of view. Now for it to be read.
    A factor that wasn't mentioned is the ratio of men to women on this site. I can log in (even with an empty profile), and within minutes, I have 10 messages. I just don't have the time to respond.
    Especially if I'm not interested in the person that has messaged me. For example, if my profile says exactly what I'm after, and then I have someone who does not match that description, I won't waste time on that.
    I understand that may be frustrating to the legit guys, but it's really a matter of time.
    Please make your private photo gallery contain a smiling, clear, face shot. No children. No dogs. No ex partners.
    Answer all profile questions.

    Reply
  • froggie282 Photo

    froggie282

    More than a month ago

    Love this article Amie....spot on!... Im seeing alot of excuses and defensive comments by some men. For the decent blokes out there, I wish u could read the messages we get...not even a hello at times. Spoken to like a free whore. It's sad. So is the fact that the article won't be read by ones that need to....cause they don't read profiles.

    • MrJoshua2.0 Photo

      MrJoshua2.0

      More than a month ago

      Froggie282,
      I think that is a good idea: for guys to see screenshots of the abusive shit that gets sent to women. A worst of the week messages- receivers could send to AMM editors and they could be posted in a ‘This shit is not ok’ blog. I hope I never come close to the line in my messages but if I was under the impression that I was being ‘cheeky’, ‘sexy’ or whatever and I saw my message next to one that I interpreted as clearly disrespectful, I would rethink what I wrote and and how I came across.
      And I leave it open to smarter people than I to consider if it should be a name and shame thing to catch out serial abusers. Just a thought.

    • froggie282 Photo

      froggie282

      More than a month ago

      Haha, don't think we need a competition for who's the biggest dickbag! ... but understand what your saying.

    Reply
  • Onelasttry4me Photo

    Onelasttry4me

    More than a month ago

    I love this...all men should have to read it before sending any messages.

    Reply
  • Jacquijay46 Photo

    Jacquijay46

    More than a month ago

    Thank you Aimee for that brilliantly written article. I agree with you 110 percent. If I have seen one unsolicited dick pic, I have seen 1000 of them and after a while, they all look the same. Guys don't send them! You will only get deleted.. I could write a book on the lines I have read on this site. Some of them should never be used! A nice profile photo does go a long way. First impressions count.
    Guys, it is very obvious when you don't read a woman's profile properly. If she says on her profile that she is not looking for casual sex, then don't ask her for it. It's not rocket science!
    No does mean no. A woman shouldn't have to feel pressured into meeting you straight away if she is not ready or if she doesn't feel comfortable with you yet.
    Thanks again Aimee for a brilliant article

    Reply
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    abcplus1

    More than a month ago

    We try to engage, we try to find out what a person wants, we are always polite, we are verified, our profile states what we like and what we want...... But honestly the read message ratio is probably 1 in 15 and the reply ratio is maybe 1 in 20.

    The sheer volume of people looking for single females on here compared to the number of them would be an interesting statistic.

    Reply
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    Langie12

    More than a month ago

    Another slightly different perspective (maybe). I have a couples profile on here. My friend insists that I do all of the "negotiating" as she has neither has the inclination or patience to deal with the number of men contacting us. We have quite specific requirements, essentially ultimately looking for one person for regular MMF. Respect is paramount for us. Do we get it? Largely yes from the men I respond to. But I am "guilty" of not responding to probably 75% of those that contact us. AMM is not my life. I am not going to respond to people that in all honesty we are simply not going to meet. I've had men constantly messaging me telling me that it's basic good manners to respond. I'm sorry, but AMM is a sex site. If you can't handle rejection, and no response should be interpreted as a proxy for "thanks, but no thanks" then maybe you aren't cut out for this. You really need to have a thick skin to navigate these sort of sites.

    Reply
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    kickingaround

    More than a month ago

    I think what's most important in here is that you need to understand that the women don't even agree with each other about exactly when in the process the effort has to show... so you should do you first and know that not everyone is compatible with you...

    I think your profile should have effort and not use cut and paste sentences, but I'm quite OK with a first message of "hi, how are you?" that comes with a face photo either public already or attached in a gallery.... I can't imagine 100 different ways to say hello to see if we'll answer.... but in the first few messages show me you read my profile, not just thought my profile pic that shows less boob than a bra catalogue is hot

    I also disagree with a previous post that says don't ask how I've gone on here.... one of the things I love is talking about sex and things I've done in the past... I always fuck and tell, I just never tell a name... ;)

    Reply
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    Fitguy1990

    More than a month ago

    Very well written article
    But on other side men don’t get response for genuine messages too,

    Reply
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    Ineedsum12bwith

    More than a month ago

    In response to your article, Amie, I believe that I have complied to a lot of standards (I really hope that I have!!!!) , and in having a profile on here, I am completely honest and genuine about wanting to meet someone on here. As I am entitled to with my standard paid membership, in my entitled messages that I am allowed to send, I try to be polite and I am hopeful of receiving a reply from someone that I send a message to them. I am very grateful when someone does reply to my message, and I do believe in showing courtesy towards others. If I do look at others profiles, and they believe that they have reasonable requests about what they want, and I am not what they are looking for in someone, I do show them the respect that they have asked for reasonably. I do admit that, at times, it's sometimes a little disheartening when I have a few very hard knockbacks. I have been completely honest and genuine about wanting to achieve certain fantasies that I really want, but, of course, I don't expect to achieve them straight away . I know that it can be quite an ask at times, but I hope that in being as honest and as genuine as I can, that I am hopeful that there is a much deserved reward for putting myself out there.

    Reply
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    SaphireTRANS76

    More than a month ago

    Its actually quite on-pointe, contained many hints and great advice for the weary communicator of lesser talent, that aside In my opinion from what ive encountered,I wish the folks (guys,couples lead by the male spouse) would put some personal thought into sending a message -more than 1,rarer still 2lines of communicae.. sure the opposite- like a thesis isn't as desirable either..I totally get it were all busy career people,time poor,and usually end of week afternoon/evenings leave dwindling hours to seek,schmooze and if applicable organise to meet/catch up/hook up. Sadly even hardly a surprise ive all too often been on the recieving end of some pretty crass objectionable extremely sexualised messages,to which I often reply: If we met in a busy cbd bar/club, is this the kind of approach you'd use,how does it work out for you? Surely seeking out friends is to be friendly/perhaps humorous,a little cheeky and confident (but not cocky) may yeild better outcomes. thankfully most responses to that are civil, rare though ive been told to F off you (insert flagrant smutty remark here). -str8 to my illustrious and elite members permanent block list from which escape is as rare as hens teeth. however i truly commend the many wonderfully literate writers of good to great messengers with which ive been honored to conversed with, great friends, FWB's,flings & casual sociable types i've met & hung out with. memorable mentions -you know whom you are -- i'd never kiss n tell, nor spread their deeds like Margerine..as thats a different topic for another place n time..

    Reply
  • Debauchery24.7

    Debauchery24.7

    More than a month ago

    Maybe it's because the ratio of men to women on this site is about 8.5:1 and she is inundated with messages so you have no chance of yours being read.

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      Silver.Foxx

      More than a month ago

      Did you mean, male must have at least 8.5"+ otherwise it's not considered as potential candidate?

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      phoenix1323

      More than a month ago

      @Simple.Guy size doesn’t influence my decisions on who I want to talk to. But a man’s preoccupation with size and his penis generally does.

      @Debauchery24.7 that might be true in some cases. We are inundated with messages and winks, and it can be a bit too much sometimes. Doesn’t necessarily means your message has no chance of being read, she might just get to it a bit later?

    Reply
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    Angelonduty

    More than a month ago

    Great article Amie!! I’ve been on and off this site for a couple of years and this time, I’ve definitely noticed a change in the way men are approaching… or maybe I’ve become ruthless with my zero tolerance to rudeness. Whichever way, nobody should put up with horrible behaviour from anyone. Basic courtesy works both ways… and it’s FREE!!! I will also add that I’ve had quite a few thank you replies from men after I politely declined. They appreciated my good manners.

    Reply
  • BINGO68

    BINGO68

    More than a month ago

    I agree as a man we all can do better.
    Good points made indeed
    Yes all women deserve respect always.
    Men are Mere Mortals some may not be creative or good with words,so ladies keep mind and heart open.

    No is no always

    Yes there are men who are pigs.
    But I can also say there are nasty women as well.
    With having maturity life experiences as a man and a women I believe sadly lot ladies may have demons from bad experiences that may affect new experiences on Amm from what they put.. and think... as some hurt badly previously.

    As a single openminded man all I ask is for women not be to judgemental, keep being open, when ready make new memories but give a man a chance.... when feel safe and have time to...anything can happen if want.
    Sadly so many men to choose from... sometimes judgement can happen and to the next person.
    We all are equals, each to there own desires and wants..
    Ladies what is a inch to a women?
    Other a extra owe ah lol

    Men we all know can be better I will read take on advice... Be a more in touch to women needs...how to interact.

    But if your honest... empathy.. think about others really all can do.

    I think having no time not a excuse... as 20 min less sleep...we all can give more.. but I know or can imagine a women on Amm would be swamped...

    Enjoy- Phill

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      NicTheChick51

      More than a month ago

      Liked your share. If only more men on here thought that way.......

    • BINGO68

      BINGO68

      More than a month ago

      I Honestly think there are.. but a man understand more as age, murturity men who do not, perhaps it's all about himself.

      We or I know women mature quicker, more rrsponsibilty they take on and not easy life as a women... Kids bringing up.. rolesof women.. Worksop on.

      Sous as a man I know that.

      I do think been there most young men think with there dick not brain times miss out why turned on why like certain women perhaps not appreciate it till no more.

      All women have there own beauty. No matter hiw kinky or not, men should relate more talk, explore enjoy. Ladies to enjoy but be there fir there enjoyment even if submissive, never let a man treat you like shit and emotional abuse... Worlds your oyster just give men a chance longer my advice... like a women more to each other then a profile

      Thanks for replying they are out there

    Reply
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    NicTheChick51

    More than a month ago

    Amie Wee, after chatting tonight with a man for WAY longer than my tolerance usually permits, then reading this from you, well he's an hour I'll never get back lol. I don't want to upset anyone, tonight, but can someone PLEASE do another blog on text Etiquette? I'm a patient woman but that guy was ???. I'm looking for courtesy, message for message, not a man (trying to be PC) who is a fucking narcissistic arrogant prick. Sorry, was that too much? ?? Please help them Amie. Stay cool chick

    Reply
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    Aries4000

    More than a month ago

    Could not love this post more. I wish that it was mandatory reading for all men who join this site. Thank you for taking the time to try to educate men. I would suggest also to recommend men not ask potential dates “how are you going on here?” at any point either.

    Reply
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    Friskybeach

    More than a month ago

    There are men who also don't bother to reply to a message, its not just the women..
    The question of what do you like? isn't my cup of tea.
    Then there are those who when you politely declined get abusive.

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      Notsonewnow

      More than a month ago

      that happens a lot. respect peoples choices

    Reply
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    AaliaTwinkles

    More than a month ago

    The aim is to engage and attract, so the advice to be creative is great (at least if the message is directed my way).
    These are guaranteed to have me rolling my eyes:-
    How is the site treating you? It isn't, it's a website.
    Have you had much luck on here? None of your business
    A pitch - I'm 49 and have my own successful business. Congratulations!

    I also send a message once in a while, usually a compliment that doesn't demand a response but just acknowledges an attraction. Up to them whether they respond or not. It can be as simple as, 'I like your style'.

    Reply
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    AMM.Marina

    More than a month ago

    If you’re a man reading this article and don’t recognise or relate yourself to the behaviour described in the article, then that’s great! This article shouldn’t offend you or upset you.

    For the men that are angry about this article: Why? I mean this in the most literal and self-critical sense. Genuinely sit and think about it for a few minutes. Do you feel you’re being called out or attacked?

    If you’re upset about a lack of, or slow response, take a few moments to think about why. How would you feel if someone approached your daughter/sister/mother this way?
    If someone was aggressive toward them? If it was said to their face?
    Often, men disassociate ‘women’ from those in their own lives.

    The vast majority of women who respond are regularly met with harassment, abuse, name calling or being falsely reported. The consequence is that women will choose to remove themselves from the situation. By leaving the website, leaving chatrooms, leaving conversations or blocking.

    Many of the reports from members that we receive as Support, are sent by women and are unfortunately due to these exact types of situations, feeling overwhelmed and unsafe – the opposite of how we want any member of our website to feel!

    If you want others to feel safe, comfortable, then take actions that shows everyone that you are someone to feel safe around.

    At the end of the day, someone’s ego is never more important than another person’s sense of safety.

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      Hedotoday

      More than a month ago

      It’s a great article and a good time for guys to really sit down and reflect on their approaches, the responses if any.
      Look at the amount of effort, time and energy and work out if it’s worth it.
      Having said that I’ve made friends with great people here over the years, but the vibe has definitely changed a lot from when I first joined.
      As for the people of all persuasions, being rude nasty and bitter isn’t cool at all. I sometimes wonder if you’d behave that way IRL or just the cowards castle that’s the internet.

    Reply
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    surph71

    More than a month ago

    Why do men “Send Dick Pics”? I will send a Dick Pic to show you what you will be getting. If my cock is too small for you, we are not wasting each other’s time with small talk. If my cock is too ugly, too thin, too thick, too circumcised, too much foreskin, too whatever for you - we are not wasting each other’s time.

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      AaliaTwinkles

      More than a month ago

      That's cool, if that is the only interest she has in you, but many women are interested in a more complete idea of who they are chatting with than just a dick. The issue is the unsolicited pic, how difficult is it to ask if she would like to see?

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      surph71

      More than a month ago

      As a male sending a cock shot, I am making it perfectly clear what my intentions are. And a recipient of my clear intent you are more actually empowered to choose. Your choices A) No thanks. Your intentions are not within my desires and you can simply ‘Delete & Block’ from any further correspondence. B) Nice cock, let’s continue this conversation and see if we actually meet up. I am here not to waste your time. A simple photo can save countless hours/days/months of continuous tyre kickers.

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      phoenix1323

      More than a month ago

      Maybe the problem is that you’re making your intentions clear when you don’t know if that’s what she wants in the first place?
      “And a recipient of my clear intent you are more actually empowered to choose. Your choices A) No thanks. Your intentions are not within my desires and you can simply ‘Delete & Block’ from any further correspondence. B) Nice cock, let’s continue this conversation and see if we actually meet up” : I disagree. A woman is not “empowered” by having a dick pic thrust into her eyesight. It’s not an either/or situation.

      I agree with @Aalia. It’s unsolicited. It takes a couple of minutes to ask if she’d like to see what you have to offer. There’s nothing more off putting than being forced to look at an appendage that is attached to someone you don’t even know if you have anything in common with. On the males part, I think maybe having many women withdraw because you’ve flashed your cock at them would lead to a lot of disheartened thoughts and negative ideas, when it could’ve been handled differently. Just my thoughts.

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      Alicewho

      More than a month ago

      Sick of dick pics … ffs … Ive got my own they are ugly .. rather see the face and torso and read about their interests, education, what they are looking for, approximate suburb. After all you put a measurement & circumference guide in, if its accurate we have a good idea what we are getting.

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      surph71

      More than a month ago

      Why do 80% of women only like 20% of men on Tinder? No Cock Shots on display there….

      Well, it’s your prerogative to continuously delete the male appendage as it is our privilege to post it. Websites such as AMM have Block n Delete features for recalcitrant actors. Modern day mobile phones have a Block all forms of communication with whom ever you wish. I suggest you execute your rights and build a Chinese Wall around men who display such disdain for your ideology.

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      phoenix1323

      More than a month ago

      @surph71 maybe 80% of women like 20% of men on tinder because that particular 20% aren’t acting like their penis is on their foreheads?

      What I find interesting is that the males that continually moan and complain that women on these sites aren’t interested in them, yet ignore exactly what women are telling them they’re doing wrong.

      Honestly .. there’s nothing attractive about self pitying profiles and comments, passive aggressiveness, or outright hostility when someone tells them they aren’t interested.. which can be for any amount of reasons. Sure, you can post your appendage all you like.. but don’t get p*ssed at women who tell you they don’t like it/want to see it. It’s not ideology, it’s being sick and tired of having a cock thrust in your face again and again. It’s actually quite desensitising. I love cock as much as anyone, but after having so many shoved in my face, I want to see it in person, not on a screen.

      Not all of the time, but most, there’s a reason males aren’t getting the interaction they want, and most think they’re entitled to. The article above has shared what the leading factors are in you all not getting what you want.. but still men aren’t listening.

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      surph71

      More than a month ago

      FYI - “An experiment with Tinder found that 'the bottom 80% of men (in terms of attractiveness) are competing for the bottom 22% of women and the top 78% of women are competing for the top 20% of men.'” Source:- https://quillette.com article March, 2019. I prefer to use quantifiable data rather than emotional rhetoric or anecdotal evidence to support my argument. The SMH also wrote an Opinion piece:- Tinder: Women get many more matches, but it’s Quantity, not Quality. Further studies:- Tinder Experiments II:- Guys, unless you are really hot you are probably better off not wasting your time on Tinder - a quantitative socio-economic study. I am not swimming in self-pity when I read thought provoking articles which is directly contributed to social bias for women on dating apps. Therefore, the simplest and most effective tool AMM could introduce to their App is an algorithm that digitally monitors “Cock Shot” to desensitised women with a “Delete Function” instantaneously preventing women being deeply offended by the male appendage.

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      AMM.Editor

      More than a month ago

      @surph71 We believe we have identified a potential solution for this issue which would utilise an AI filter which will automatically scan to see if a photo shared is a dick pic and will subsequently warn the recipient and give them the option to ignore or delete. We are yet to test it in the AMM environment but it's definitely one of our future projects as we recognise this is a big issue for many members (pardon the pun).

      But I'm not sure I agree with the stats you quoted as men generally punch above their weight in the dating game whilst women punch below. So the 80% of men are not seeking the bottom 20% of women, they are seeking a wide range which includes the top percentile. This is why we had to bring in contact filters, because many men believe that even though they are out of a woman's age range they're still in with a chance.

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      phoenix1323

      More than a month ago

      I’m not on Tinder, purely for the fact that many of the people on here are also on there or other sites, and I don’t see the point of putting all my spare time into juggling more than a few apps.

      What is “emotional rhetoric or anecdotal evidence” to some is truth and honesty to others. Put simply, I know what I want in people, I’m confident in myself, and I don’t need a bunch of statistics to show me what I see in my own experiences and those of people around me on the sites. Those are the facts. Have a nice day

    Reply
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    AMM.Editor

    More than a month ago

    Here's an example of a message from a male member (who was permanently banned from ever being on the site again) when a female very politely said she wasn't interested - "whore fat mutt cunt". It only takes one message like this to make women afraid to decline when they get a message, or they leave the site because no one should have to deal with abuse when they themselves have been polite. And I really don't want to pick on men but men seeking women was the focus of this article and abuse does happen both ways and we treat it fairly regardless of gender or membership level.

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      EastCoastYankee

      More than a month ago

      If this was a consistent stance, you’d have a lot more women on here and then problem would be reduced.
      I stopped reporting people and left because I got these messages and the site did nothing about it.
      I know trolls exist, but by enabling them is part of the problem.

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      phoenix1323

      More than a month ago

      The amount of garbage that gets pitched at women when they aren’t interested is horrendous. I don’t even report anymore, because even if they get banned, they start a new profile and do it all again. It’s one of the things I really don’t like about this site, because it could become a safety issue for the woman involved.

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      AMM.Editor

      More than a month ago

      @phoenix1323 the Support team do catch a lot (one guy has tried at least 10 times in the last week) but if they are using a VPN and a totally different email configuration there is no way to identify them until they are reported again. But please keep reporting because even if the reports are for mild infringements they are cumulative and that counts towards how the next report is handled.

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      phoenix1323

      More than a month ago

      @AMM.Editor case in point.. this is the reply I received after being abused by a member in a chat room that I reported :
      Site Support

      16 Nov
      Hi,

      Thank you for this report. We will review the chatlogs and take action if required.

      We recommend placing the member on block to prevent further communications.


      A______
      AdultMatchMaker Support

      This doesn’t help.

    Reply
  • Profile invisible

    Mischeviouslad

    More than a month ago

    Messaging fake profiles is a significant part of not getting replies lol
    But, theyre usually easy to spot. But so many fail this step because theyre holding their dick while scrolling the photos.

    Step 2. Empathy
    Understand the experience of your recipient and what they have to deal with in this asylum of dribbling sex offender behaviours

    Step 3. Acting like a dick means you never get to use yours

    Reply
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    EastCoastYankee

    More than a month ago

    I’ve been off here for a while but was alerted to this by a casual partner.

    Women leave because of the abuse they get. It’s simple. Then it becomes a numbers game and a self perpetuating problem.
    Report people and Admins come back with a wishy-washy response and the same people are back in chat rooms playing the same games a day later.
    It’s why I left, it’s why my bestie left. It’s why other women I’m still in touch with on Kik left.

    Reply
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    Silver.Foxx

    More than a month ago

    Well, yes and no.
    I do write polite message, intro, about me, no copy paste, no hi, no dicks. Easy few paragraphs to read.
    Before that, I read the profile once, twice, even more just to get "into their" environment.
    Most responses are no response, message read, or blocked.
    Some polite no, thank you responses too, but not many.
    Some other response from gold members asked for cock shots, no hi or hey, but reply with "nice cock". Me responding with "what you look like" got no reply.
    I do send 2, max 3 follow up messages. Polite ones! It might be missed, over look or they are still deciding. And that's between 3 weeks up to 12 months. Some profiles change their name or pics.

    Also, if you don't host, you must be cheating or in relationship. Really?

    Any profile should be verified, at least 3+ public pictures, and majority of profile info covered. No ask this or that.

    So writing lengthy and honest message doesn't make much difference.

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      AMM.Editor

      More than two weeks ago

      Hi, this is reponse to your suggestion in one of your replies about the system limiting the number of messages. We have just deployed an update which limits the initial contact to 3 messages. If the recipient replies the conversation can continue as normal. But members can no longer spam other members with 6, 10, 20+ messages if they haven't received a reply.

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      Silver.Foxx

      More than two weeks ago

      That's a great news! Thanks for listening!!

    Reply
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    tastetester61

    More than a month ago

    My personal belief is that all profiles should have a bio of a minimum of 350 characters before they can become visible to other members. Firstly, this will exclude most scamming bots that infiltrate the majority of personals sites for illicit purposes. Secondly, it will also give the reader some idea of the person they are intending to contact. Give us some ammo to work with, otherwise I may as well just say "Hi".

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      AMM.Editor

      More than a month ago

      Yes we would love everyone to write a bio, it's the easiest way for us to pick up the scammers who register. :-)

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      Silver.Foxx

      More than a month ago

      So if they don't fill out the minimum after a week or two, lock/hide their account.
      Or give new members some insensitive, free few messages or something.
      It cannot be that hard, right?

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      AMM.Editor

      More than a month ago

      @Simple.Guy there is already a project to encourage people to complete more of their profile which I hope will be rolled out early next year.

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      tastetester61

      More than a month ago

      So many join these sites to look at the photos, then never return. Look at how many profiles have only been visited on the joining date. Making them fill in their profile properly will, for the main part, rid the place of sightseeing types. Your either serious about this or not, filling in your profile tells me something about you. Like I said initially, 350 characters isn't much, but I think it will make a difference. It's very easy and quick to implement too.

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      phoenix1323

      More than a month ago

      @AMM.Editor bringing back the dates people joined would be beneficial as well. It was easier to pick the genuine profiles by how long they’d been on site when that was part of profiles.

    Reply
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    Love.sword4u

    More than a month ago

    I have probably had more responses without having a profile pick.

    Don't usually try again after first message gets no response, but sometimes I do try a different approach when I reach the end of interested/ active profiles.

    DP has only ever been sent at a request.

    Rejection is what most men understand better than successful interactions, you probably just think that I'm winging or I'm bitter from rejection, but a challenge you to watch (or read the book) "self made man" by Norah Vincent and the impact it had on her.

    Reply
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    Hedotoday

    More than a month ago

    Just imagine if everyone verified, cut a lot of fakes out big time.
    As for the opening “pitch” sad fact is you can put in a lot of effort for zero response, I’ve have good results from hi how are to a full on bio.
    Might be time for the owners to look at ways to enhance the experience for everyone.
    As for the poor ladies, getting hit by hundreds of messages, that’s gotta kill it for you as well.

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      phoenix1323

      More than a month ago

      Sometimes that zero response is exactly because the poor ladies are getting hit by hundreds of messages, and most aren’t a positive experience. Women get jaded, just as men do. I try to respond to every message I get, but sometimes it’s frustrating when most of them don’t take the time to read my profile in the first place.

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      Hedotoday

      More than a month ago

      You’d be one of the few polite ones, many aren’t. Come to think about it, That would be nearly a full time job In it’s self.
      Yes it would help if people did read profiles, my guess it’s there’s no easy answer to any of it.

    Reply
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    Plushbunny

    More than a month ago

    Great article. I can't emphasise the last paragraph enough! So many women have to deal with "you're a fat slag anyway" or I bet all your photos are fake" etc when they politely say no and these are the nicer ones. Please be polite if rejected.

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      MrJoshua2.0

      More than a month ago

      Plush bunny, that sucks, but I’ve heard way more than once from friends and there’s whole reddits on this.
      Sure, I spend money to send messages and hope for a connection, but also I remember exactly what women on this site ( or anywhere) owe me for my time and special attention - not a damn thing.

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      KinkyGirl101

      More than a month ago

      The level of abuse is atrocious! Far less stress just to leave a conversation or leave a message unread if not interested. I think the ability to leave a conversation was one of the best features AMM implemented.

    Reply
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    MrJoshua2.0

    More than a month ago

    Are you looking at my inbox? ??
    I’m relived to see this was a post to all men looking for women…

    Really good article @Amie, kind of sad you gave away the best hint: read her (his/their) profile!

    She took the time to write it- some are hilarious, some are steamy, and most(all?) say what she doesn’t want.

    Read it and respect it. Then either write something worth reading TO HER or move on.

    Oh also - yes guys would respond to a faceless message. Lots of women’s public don’t include a face pic. I think that’s a safety precaution for them.

    Reply
  • cheekyone00 Photo

    cheekyone00

    More than a month ago

    You forgot one. The site doesn't have any real incentive to improve the user experience.
    Most women don't even get to open most messages. That's a UX problem.

    It's easy to see why no real changes have been made. Success=losing paying customers (almost exclusively men). It's better from a revenue point of view to have an environment where women are quickly overwhelmed by 300 thirsty messages.

    I'm sure you have the stats. What percentage of messages ever get read? 5%? 10%? It's definitely not a high number.

    Do you think that is exclusively the fault of the authors or do you think maybe it's not just your customers who are to blame?

    • Hedotoday Photo

      Hedotoday

      More than a month ago

      Totally right.

    • AMM.Editor Photo

      AMM.Editor

      More than a month ago

      The article explains that, like all instant message systems, the person you've messaged can see a preview of your message (roughly the first 64 characters) so there is no reason to "click" on it to read the entire message if that first line hasn't engaged her or there's no profile pic or you're out of her age range. And to be honest when women read a message, men somehow expect an instant reply so then they start harassing the women and flooding them with multiple messages and then they report them if they haven't replied within an hour for being fake. Remember women are like cats, you have to push the right buttons to make her purr.

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      Westphal

      More than a month ago

      This response is utterly condescending to @nopaperbags.
      While I don’t agree with his point, be better AMM.editor

    • AMM.Editor Photo

      AMM.Editor

      More than a month ago

      @Westphal I am trying to explain points which weren't covered in the article. The character count is very important, so the way you order your wording can be the difference between being glanced at in the preview, or a message actually being clicked on to be read. We've published about 4 articles previously where woman have reiterated this stuff over and over and this entire article was based on female feedback.

    • Westphal Photo

      Westphal

      More than a month ago

      I’m not saying I agree with @cheekyone00 (I incorrectly quoted the wrong user in the first) but the second half of your response and especially the last line is very condescending.
      Seems everyone could take some points on how to treat people appropriately.

    • AMM.Editor Photo

      AMM.Editor

      More than a month ago

      @Westphal the last line actually relates to an article on the blog so I guess it was left field if you hadn't read it: Stroke Her like a Pussy Cat

    • cheekyone00 Photo

      cheekyone00

      More than a month ago

      I find it a little hard to believe that the feedback didn't include anything about being overwhelmed with messages. That's the most common experience I've heard.
      That makes the experience unpleasant for everyone.
      Men absolutely have to message or they get nothing. Women get spammed and often leave quickly.

      If it's unpleasant for everyone, doesn't that suggest the site mechanics are not working?

    • AMM.Editor Photo

      AMM.Editor

      More than a month ago

      @cheekyone00 the most common complaint from women is when men keep sending messages after they've said they're not interested. Some women are reluctant to block or leave a conversation as they feel it's rude but the messages keep coming. Since we split the Inbox into Focused and Other the complaints about volume of messages are very few. We're not saying that women don't leave the site because of it but being able to focus on messages in your preferred age range and only chat to verified members if that's what you prefer has made it easier to manage the process. And they typically don't get hundreds of messages, what they do get is a lot of multiple messages, often 10-15 from the same guy if the message is unread or left on read.

    • Hedotoday Photo

      Hedotoday

      More than a month ago

      @AMM, hear you loud and clear, I feel sorry for the ladies, couples and others who get massive amounts of messages.
      Maybe if you changed it so guys could only wink, the woman can then respond to those they like.
      Plus if they pay for membership and guys don’t, they’re totally empowered and in control no more spamming.

    • Silver.Foxx Photo

      Silver.Foxx

      More than a month ago

      What about this system would allow to send only 2-3 message to the same profile if there was no prior reply?
      That shouldn't be a problem to implement.

    • AMM.Editor Photo

      AMM.Editor

      More than a month ago

      @Simple.Guy yes that has certainly been discussed previously and perhaps it's time to raise it again. But then in a genuine conversation an instant messenger can let you send as many as you like. Perhaps you're attaching photos or a link or forgot to say something in the previous message. Restricting it can take away from what it should actually try to achieve. So it's achieving a balance. And often there has been a reply. Women will say they're not interested, the guy pushes it with another message (and I should stress here not only guys but this was the focus of the article, guys messaging women). Personally at that point I would leave the conversation, that's what the feature is there for but some women reply to reiterate that they're not interested and the cycle continues.

    • AMM.Editor Photo

      AMM.Editor

      More than a month ago

      @Nopaperbag this was part of the change we made to the winks system. So if you wink someone and they reply back it actually opens up in Messenger so that a. you actually know the person wants to pursue a conversation and b. it gives you the reference point for how you contacted them in the first place. We have more changes to winks coming soon which will further improve this feature. Also if a member has Free Contact the reply wink starts a conversation without them having to use one of their message credits which we thought made sense.

    • Silver.Foxx Photo

      Silver.Foxx

      More than a month ago

      @amm.editor
      Before any established communication between two profiles, the system would not allow the initiator send more than 2-3 messages. I think that's plenty to realise someone is not interested.
      Also, there could be an option "how many time some can contact me until I reply"
      X amount of days.

    • AMM.Editor Photo

      AMM.Editor

      More than a month ago

      @Simple.Guy yes I definitely think this is something which needs to be discussed again.

    • phoenix1323 Photo
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      phoenix1323

      More than a month ago

      @AMM.Editor one of the other reasons women don’t block males that are being annoying or abusive is purely to be able to see what they’re saying in chat rooms etc, to not be blindsided. As said before, there’s nothing stopping them making a new profile and getting around being blocked that way, but at least if you can see what they’re up to, you have a chance to defend yourself or have evidence if becomes a bigger problem. I’ve blocked people who’ve then come into a chatroom, told everyone there that I’m nothing but a slut ( because I wouldn’t do them ) that I’m harassing them ( I wasn’t ) etc. I never used to block, but I know enough people that will tell me what’s going on when I can’t see their behaviour.

    Reply
  • Zamboon Photo
    Online icon

    Zamboon

    More than a month ago

    All the above is absolutely true and you have every right to ignore any message if you dont want to.
    Its a bit like men are from mars and women are from wherever .. just that men respond to certain triggers ... so if your profile says that youre into haiir pulling and scratching and biting (for example) - then dont be offended if some poor guy sends a message saying youve got lovely hair to pull and could we get together ? - once again you can rightly dismiss this guy but dont be surprised - I dont make a habit if it personally and I find a bit of humour goes a long way to start a conversation - but I remember a particular lady whose profile was just full of kink which implied she was a total sub and she mouthed off in the chat room about her experiences - so I called her a brat ... she exploded and came back with who do I think I was by assuming she would respond to that - once again totally within her right ... but the evidence was all over her profile .... my bad ! Really?

    • AaliaTwinkles Photo

      AaliaTwinkles

      More than a month ago

      Hi Zam,
      I get what you are saying but I can exactly see where she was coming from. It's one thing to label yourself as something, but she may have been exploring that role and been conflicted by it. That may be horse shit but I guess my point is that it's extremely easy to make assumptions. It's a wobbly, fine line we walk here - putting intimate desires out into the ether and having someone comment unasked on that is probs not going to end well. And agree, humour is the way.

    Reply
  • IllegibleSmudge Photo

    IllegibleSmudge

    More than a month ago

    I mean, most of that is reasonable advice, but it’s kinda hard to ask about her interests or something on her profile when the vast majority of profiles have a one sentence bio at most. Which, combined with the numbers game thing, makes it hard not to go with copy and paste opening lines. Sure, it would be great to be able to come up with creative openers for every woman, but please give us something to work with.

    Reply
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