Everything you need to know about sex in water

We've all seen that classic movie scene in From Here to Eternity with Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr rolling around lavishly in the surf as they get it on... Or what about that super hot pool scene from that super hot 90s movie Wild Things... Mmmm... Neve Campbell and Denise Richards, questioning Gen X women's sexuality for decades... But again I digress...

Sex in water is absolutely the stuff of fantasies... But is it really all that great in reality?

The short answer is not all the time. It can be uncomfortable and sometimes painful, it can be awkward and uncoordinated, and it can also be risky as fuck for a whole lot of reasons.

But because it CAN be sexy as fuck, and is such a common fantasy, and because people will always continue to have sex wherever they decide they want to have sex, I thought I'd put together a little info 101 on everything you need to know about having sex in water.

Not Slippery When Wet

Probably the first thing people quickly realise when they try and attempt sex in water for the first time is how contradictory the wetness actually is. Yes there's liquid all around you, but the very important, precious liquid women need to make sex enjoyable and comfortable, namely our arousal lubricant, is very noticeably absent. This is because the above mentioned water that is swirling all around you is excellent at washing it all away, which means intercourse can be much less slippery, and far more abrasive.

The solution to this problem is to use non water based lubes like silicone which doesn't wash away in water, and keeps things nice and slidey. The danger, however, is when you're using it for water sex somewhere like a shower or around a pool, as it can make things dangerously slippery, and there's nothing sexy about a gash in the face from falling through a slippery shower screen and a trip to the emergency room. Pre-lubing before immersing yourself in water is also a good tip and a way to make sure sex feels as good as it should.

Fish Pee In It

Water is life. It nourishes us. It helps grow our food. It cleans us. It comforts us. It soothes us... And also fish pee in it. And other animals too. Trees drop their leaves in it. Dead animals sink to its depths. Mosquito larvae thrives. Germs, bacteria, flotsam and jetsam... Some pretty rank stuff when you think about it, and the act of having sex, no matter how careful you are, pushes air, and anything else in the area, into the vagina, and up, up, up into the cervix and beyond.

I shouldn't have to reiterate it, but this is INCREDIBLY dangerous. Not only will the whooshing water and pushing penis do similar to a douche, and wash away any good, necessary bacteria that helps keep the vagina clean and hygienic, it will also push those nasty, microscopic germs and bits into your body, causing anything from thrush or BV to painful infections that can lead to all sorts of issues and problems that, at the extreme end, could cause infertility or even death.

Sure, I can hear you saying, well a swimming pool is full of germ killing chemicals so isn't that better?

No! Those germ killing chemicals are NOT TO BE TAKEN INTERNALLY, which includes internally via your vagina or butt, and they can cause irritations or even burns and all sorts of other problems for that delicate skin and internal body bits.

Internal or "femidom" condoms can help make it a little safer, however these aren't the easiest and subtlest to insert, especially in water, so like the silicone lube suggestion, it’s a good idea to put it in before you get immersed.

Itchy and Scratchy and Possibly Drowny

Sand and leaves and bits of dirt are an inevitable side effect of having sex in water. Beach sex is the worst for it because there is absolutely no escaping the sand. If you're in the water the sand is mixed in with every wave roll, and on the actual beach... Ouch! River beds are littered with land mines of sticks and rocks and trash thrown from cars. Stepping on a sharp rock, or even worse sitting on one, while trying to get sexy and slinky is not conducive to good times, and losing your footing, or slipping into a deep dark patch of water can increase your chances of drowning or other water related tragedies.

Being under the influence of alcohol or drugs will absolutely increase your desire to do it in the lake as you stumble home, but that then also increases your risk of doing something incredibly stupid and dangerous... like doing it in the lake as you stumble home.

But OMG it feels SO GOOD!

So look, I know the above stuff might sound a bit scary and un-sexy, but that's the thing about sex. All sex. For every breathless, orgasmic moment you have, there is always an associated risk, and so it is vitally important to give people all the information and tools they need so they can make informed choices and get the best out of any experience.

Because, let's face it, water IS life, and sex is (to many of us) an important part of life, so putting them together is a logical step.

Hot baths full of soft bubbles. Your partner lying against you. Soapy sponges trailing down their skin. Fingertips tracing droplets down thighs and backs. The floaty weightlessness of holding your partner up in a lake or pool. Bodies close together. Hot skin in cool, fresh water. Summer smells on your skin. Hair falling in sexy, salty tendrils. A private jacuzzi, steamy and warm, spa jets against sensitive skin,  bubbles foaming, candlelight creating dancing shadows their skin...  Oh yes. There are some absolutely beautiful and sensual moments to be had in water and we want you to lap them up... safely of course.

In short, having sex in water is definitely risky. But humans are inevitably risk takers, and so the best advice I can give you is please minimise the risks as much as you can. Be safe. Be aware. Be careful.... And always look after your body and the bodies of those you play with.