Why are we obsessed with filming ourselves having sex?

Humans are very visual creatures. We love looking at things, admiring things, and finding beauty in our surroundings. We decorate our homes and gardens, adorn ourselves with clothes, jewellery, tattoos, and other things we find aesthetically pleasing, and we love to show them off. 

Going on holiday? Need a good view. Out for dinner? Gotta Insta this dessert to show everyone just how beautiful it looked. Mirrors, selfies, the original narcissistic act of seeing your reflection in a pool of water… Yes, humans love to look at and share not only the beauty in other things but the beauty in ourselves as well.

Another thing us humans seem to like quite a lot is sex. Having it. Talking about it. Thinking about it. Watching it. All of it. So it’s really no big surprise that when you put those two big human traits together, and match them up with the modern world of technology where everyone has a mini film studio in their pocket, it’s not hard to see why more and more people are getting into the act of filming themselves having sex.

In our “Under the Covers” survey 42% of males and 36% of females surveyed said that when it comes to sex they get turned on by being watched. And 49% of males and 39% told us they got turned on by watching other people have sex. 

In fact, for many people, the act of filming or being filmed is their actual fetish or kink, meaning that the practice of watching, being watched, or even the thought of being caught in the act is just as exciting, satisfying and sexy as having sex itself. Things like dogging (public sex with the specific thrill of being watched or spotted), voyeurism (the act of watching other people), exhibitionism (the thrill of being watched), and of course filming and being filmed are part of this wonderful, exciting world of sexual performance and audience.

Why are we obsessed with filming ourselves having sex?

Probably the main reason we do this is also the most simple one. It’s fun! Adding little extra elements into our sexy playtimes is nothing new. We dress up, we use toys, we play games and make up stories, so adding a camera into the mix is really just another extension of that. 

Whether you are masturbating in front of a camera or watching someone do it, or taking explicit photographs of yourself to share with a partner, being that free and open and able to share such intimate and sexy pics with people is an incredible turn on for so many of us. It doesn’t even have to be with someone you are already intimate with… Being naughty and secretive and sharing dirty pics with strangers can be such an amazing, sexy thrill it’s no wonder our forums, video chats and private messages are full of them! Stu Nugent, the resident sexpert at LELO agrees, telling Metro.co.uk that filming ourselves and taking explicit photographs is  “just masturbating in the mirror for the digital age.” and we agree. 

The naughty tickle of excitement you get as you talk about doing it. The sweet tingle of anticipation as you set up the camera beside the bed. The raw, sexual heat you feel as you perform for the all-seeing, voyeuristic eye of the lens. It’s hot as fuck and can make you feel like a sexual god or goddess as our brains do the thing that brains do and create delicious fantasy pictures in our heads of how we look, how we sound, how we fuck. We imagine the hottest porn scenes we’ve ever seen and place ourselves into that internal vision; arched backs, strong thrusts, gorgeous moans and perfect orgasm faces… 

Oh yeah. In our mind’s eye we are the epitome of sexual passion, the pinnacle of desirability. We are Divine. We are Erotic. We are Sex… And then we watch it back.

Porn Versus Reality

Ah yes… The ol’ chestnut of “porn is not real sex”… Look, this is a tricky statement to make comment on because on one hand, as a sex educator, I absolutely agree that pornography should not be used as a blueprint for actual, real life sex with your partner. Especially for young people just learning the ropes of sex, sexual intimacy, consent and all of that stuff. It is not an instructional “how-to” and should really be taken as entertainment value only (the people in these clips are professionals… Please don’t try it at home)… But, on the other hand as someone who has filmed, written, directed, and been around actual porn for around 20 years I can tell you that for all intents and purposes, porn sex IS real sex. 

Let me put it this way… You know how WWF fans get very upset at the idea that “wrestling is not real”? Well, so too do the people involved in the porn industry when confronted with the same accusations. 

Sure, like wrestling, porn is a choreographed, stylised, scripted affair but, also just like wrestling, it is still a very real, very physical, very skilled form of performance art, and, even though it is done for show and entertainment purposes, it still involves all the actual, physical components of the act they are demonstrating, as well as a great deal more. The real kicker is (and this is sometimes unfortunately the problem) if it is done properly, all of that “choreographed” action goes completely unnoticed by us, the amateur viewer enjoying the show, and we start to think “Ooh I could do that!”. 

Porn Versus Reality (Part II)

Of course, even though they are both “sex” per se, there is no denying there is a big a difference between the way humans have sex on a personal level and how humans have sex on a performance level, and the two are often very tricky to put together into one package.

You see, all those little extra things that happen on a porn set that we, the audience, don’t see, really are the things that make all the difference. The lighting, the sound, the set, the performers… all specifically chosen, and finely tuned, for the visual effect the studio is looking for. Not only that, but the angles and practices and positions are all under the continual, scrutinous eye of the director who will stop and start production at will to make sure the camera is getting the best view. As someone who has been on multiple porn sets over the years I can tell you that even something as simple and common as doggy style, for example, is so incredibly different on set to what you’d do in the bedroom at home, it’s almost like a whole other position in itself. The way the butt, pussy, and cock are all angled and positioned for the camera. The length and depth of the penetration. The stop, start, stop again, move to the side, your hair is covering your face, your elbow is in too much of the frame, start, stop, start again. The faces, the noises, the orgasms… 

That isn’t to say the actors aren’t enjoying themselves or experiencing real pleasure, but everything is so carefully created and choreographed it’s far more like watching a puzzle being put together than anything even remotely sexy, but the end result is one of erotic perfection, sent out to us in the privacy of our homes for our masturbatory pleasure, and being done so seamlessly we all think “Hey, I could do that!”

The reality of amateur porn

The reality of amateur porn is, unfortunately, very different. In fact, for the most part, it’s almost the complete opposite. In porn, the whole act of filming and performing (even if enjoyable for the participants) is usually a pretty unsexy, clinical affair, but the finished product is hot as fuck, whereas when you do your homemade versions, it’s the literal act of filming that injects the spice, eroticism and horniness into the moment. The camera and idea of it all becomes a part of the sex itself, like a third participant adding to the overall sexiness in the same way a sex toy or dirty talk can do… But then later, when you excitedly sit down to watch it, the end result is far more likely to look like the porn version of “Nailed It” rather than the cinematic masterpiece of visual erotica your brain conjured up while you were playing. Honestly, even if it’s actually not too bad by amateur standards, we are our own worst and harshest critics and I can almost guarantee, watching yourself back, especially the first time you ever film yourself having sex, will be a little bit eye-opening…. But don’t stress! It’s all just down to practising making perfect and it will definitely get better as you go, and especially if you follow some of our tips below.

How to make your amateur porn look sexy as fuck!

While that initial viewing can be less than anticipated, it’s really important to remember a few key things so as not to let it ruin the experience or stop you from trying again.

1. You are not a professional porn star and your bedroom is no film studio. There is no way that your little handheld device is going to capture imagery and sound like the ones professionals do so stop expecting it to look like a polished production.
2. Standard bedroom lights or lamps or even strategically placed candles can do horrible things to your skin on a camera. Pimples look redder, wrinkles look deeper, wobbles look wobblier. It doesn’t matter if you haven’t had a zit since you were fourteen, you’ll find at least five when you play the tape back.
3. You have one camera, in one position, at one angle for the entirety of your video. There are no zoom in close ups, no second angles or different points of view. There is no-one viewing through the lens to know if and when you move out of shot or if anything gets in the way.
4. All bodies sweat and contort and wobble and bounce when subjected to physical activity. Just because on the tape you look and sound a little bit like a furless seal being attacked by a shaved monkey, that’s not how you actually look in your day to day so it’s unfair to compare yourself to it.
5. You went into the experience to try something new and fun, not to sell a porno to a production house. Relax. No-one is going to see it until you decide you want to share it. There’s a delete button right there.

The Sequel Will Be Better

In fact, now you have all this new knowledge and understanding of what you look like fucking on camera, you should totally jump back onto the shaved monkey and give it another shot, this time with far more confidence and experience and probably better results. You’ll at least know what you definitely do not want to see again and can take steps to change the camera angles or body positions and play around with what works and doesn’t work. 

If you really want to make it more about the after-viewing you could always take a leaf out of the “porn sex” book and be slightly less immersed in the sex itself and a little bit more aware of the outward look, and see if you can find a good balance between the two. Also it’s super important to remember that sex is a ridiculous and funny-looking thing anyway, and that the more laughter and joviality you share with your partner the better your whole relationship will be overall, so it’s totally okay to have a good laugh at yourself every now and then, and if that means making some embarrassing home made porn, then why not! Just be sure to keep it off the cloud and don’t accidentally upload it to Facebook! 

So what are you waiting for? Get your video camera set up and start Kubrick-ing today!