BDSM Basics: Collars and their Meaning

Due to their versatility - both practical and symbolic - collars are one of the most widely used BDSM accessories. Generally, collars signify the wearer is a submissive or bottom, and although the significance and purpose of the collar is particular to the wearer, there are a few general uses.

Collar & Leash for Pet Play 

Collars are a vital component of this roleplay, and one of the few things common to most active pet players. In pet play, collars are used (often along with ears and/or tails) to indicate species, eg. pup, kitten, bunnies, pony. Pups will often wear traditional dog collars, with a D-link for leash attachments. Similarly, a pony would also wear a D-link collar. Kittens and bunnies are not as likely to enjoy leashed play except perhaps to play WITH the leash. For kittens and bunnies, ‘cute and colourful’ or ‘flat out classy’ is the common look for collars, often replete with bells. 

Putting your submissive on a Leash

Collars can be used in partnership with a leash to explore a whole new kind of play. As mentioned above, for some pet players being on the leash is a natural part of the roleplay – it’s a chance to explore their obedience (or brattiness), earn ‘treats’, and impress their Top.

Leashing is playing with power dynamics, so you can assume the people involved are in a trusting and close relationship. A leashed submissive has a sense of protection and safety – they are literally joined to their Dom. For Dominants, there is an element of pride in having their submissive to guide and protect. 

Use respect when approaching anyone – pet or human – on leash. And if someone is holding their leash between their teeth, it probably means they are unavailable for any conversation.

Collaring Ceremonies

Whether performed in public or private, a collaring ceremony is an extremely meaningful exchange in which a sub is collared (bound) to their Dom in a similar way to which rings and ‘promises’ would be exchanged in an engagement or wedding ceremony. These ceremonies are NOT part of BDSM play; they are not enacted lightly. Not only are a Dom and sub committing themselves to each other, they’re dedicating themselves to their BDSM lifestyle.

Collaring ceremonies are generally small and private, and mark steps along the journey between Dom and sub – from ‘protected’ to ‘considered’, onto ‘training’, and finally ‘owned’. When earned in stages, the collars often become more elaborate and/or individualized to reflect the growing bond between Dom and sub.  

When held publicly, collaring ceremonies are very much like mainstream weddings (but maybe more fun?!) with friends and family coming together to witness and share in the bonding of two people. Often a close friend or mentor to the couple will conduct the ceremony, in which vows are exchanged, and the submissive is presented with their collar. The Dominant is presented with the key, the collar is locked into place, and the submissive is owned. 

Collars for Day Wear

These are the collars submissives will wear on a day-to-day basis, to show the continuous dynamic at work with their Dom. Day collars need to be comfortable, and made of a body-safe material that can be worn in the bath or shower. For many people, subtly is also important – we can’t all be out about our BDSM, and some of us just don’t want to be – so Day Collars often reflect everyday jewelry, like necklaces or chokers. 

Collars as a Fashion Statement 

So let’s get one thing clear, it’s undeniable that a lot of people wear collars cos they just look so damn sexy and cute! Over the last several years, the influence of BDSM and fetishwear in mainstream fashion has been significant – I thank the Kardashians. 

It’s fine to wear a collar for fashion reasons. In fact, go for it, and make it a huge trend so the more anxious amongst us can start collaring-up without feeling out of place!

It’s still important to have a comfortable collar that’s not going to itch or aggravate your neck. You may not be wearing it 24/7, but the last thing you want is a chafed and swollen neck. Which brings us to safety…

Safety Tips when choosing & wearing a Collar

• Collars are best made from body safe materials, like leather, fabric, or rubber, and should be soft against the neck, unless specifically worn to give discomfort.
• Never wear a tight collar. The general rule for a safe, yet snug fit, is a gap of at least two fingers between the collar and neck. The only time a collar should be restrictive to the neck or breathing is during negotiated play.
• The skin on our neck is delicate and sensitive, so be wary of sharp edges on your collar, particularly the cheaper ones. Check over any metallic fittings to be sure they’re tight, and snip off any loose threads. 
• When holding another’s collar, NEVER tug abruptly. And even if playing a little rougher, keep any play around the neck relatively gentle. 
• If you like the symbolism of collaring, but don’t like the neck stuff, that’s okay. Submissives can be collared with bracelets, rings, tattoos, cuffs, anklets, scarification, piercings… whatever they like!  
• If using any locks on collars, be sure both parties know where the spare set of keys is. (Yes, seriously!)

Be it for fashion or play or displaying a relationship status, collars are a staple of the BDSM community. Although, they’re worn for a myriad of reasons, perhaps the biggest motivator is the most basic: ‘I just want to explore what a collar feels like’. That’s ‘reason’ enough. Playing with these desires is exactly what kink is about.