Could an ‘iso buddy’ save you from the COVID-19 sex drought?

Illustration of a man and a woman sitting on earthly globes wearing masks because of covid19

Sometimes, life as a single person is difficult. Always being relegated to the “singles” table at weddings. Viewed with suspicion (‘why are you still single?’) And when it comes to the pandemic, practical sex and dating advice for un-partnered people is hard to come by.

The Australian Government has made health recommendations on everything from sporting events to visiting your grandma. But they haven’t told us how to cope when we live alone, or how we can get laid safely. In the United Kingdom, it’s even worse – sex with people outside the household has been declared illegal. Who could have imagined that one day it would be against the law to hook up?

This might sound like a trivial situation (especially considering everything else that’s going on in the world right now) but it’s still important. Sex, intimacy, and social contact are essential for almost everyone. Without connection, singles are more likely to feel isolated, lonely, depressed, and unsupported. Even our own government has acknowledged that the pandemic has caused a mental health crisis. So why aren’t they giving us more info on restarting our sex lives, as restrictions are lifted?

The lack of information is confusing. Adult dating sites such as Adult Match Maker are seeing chatrooms busy every evening as people try to stay connected, and it’s easier than ever to meet new people online. But many of us aren’t sure what to do once we meet someone attractive. Will we be stuck forever chatting, but never meeting?

I think there’s a way singles can start getting laid again: with an ‘iso fuck buddy’ for mutual sexual satisfaction.

This idea comes from the Dutch Government. With their sex-positive attitude, they’re not afraid to talk about the hard stuff (pardon the pun). The Dutch National Institute for Public Health and the Environment agrees that singles need to get off - in a recent statement, they said, “It makes sense that as a single [person] you also want to have physical contact.” Instead of banning casual sex, they recommend finding an ‘iso buddy’ for the duration of the pandemic, so that you can both get your needs met with less risk of catching the virus.

This advice is supported by some of our local health organisations. Thorne Harbour Health says, “If you and a regular casual partner (aka a fuck buddy) are both practicing physical distancing from others, you can have sex with one another with a low risk of acquiring COVID-19.” There you have it, folks…a community health org AND the Dutch Government both recommend pairing up with a trusted friend for hot pandemic sex.

There’s a catch: this situation demands good communication. You need to have an honest conversation with your potential fuck buddy about their level of coronavirus risk. Some useful questions:

“Have you slept with anyone else recently?”
“How many people do you have close contact with at home and at work?”
“Have you had any cold or flu symptoms?”
“Have you been tested for coronavirus?”
“Can we agree to only have sex with each other for the next couple of months?”

It’s not about judging anyone for their sexual or social behaviour. But when it comes to managing your health, taking risks isn’t acceptable…and you simply don’t know unless you ask.

Like all personal conversations, this stuff can feel weird at the beginning. I remember the first time I had to ask a guy about using condoms – I felt so awkward! But once I’d had the talk with a few new partners, the words ‘Do you do safer sex? It’s really important to me’ became easy.

I think the same will happen for coronavirus. Soon, asking ‘Have you been isolating?’ and ‘Have you been tested for COVID19?’ will be routine. And hopefully, rather than taking it personally, your partners will appreciate the fact that you’re being responsible.

Trust is important too. It’s essential you hook up with someone you feel you can rely on. It might mean taking more time to get to know them (at an appropriate social distance) before you get sexy together. But I think the effort is worth it. Trust and communication make for better sex: rather than feeling stressed out, you’ll be able to relax and work off all that lockdown anxiety.

There’s no need to shut your sex life down indefinitely, if you’re willing to find the right person and have an honest conversation. Is your perfect iso fuck buddy out there? Maybe it’s time to get online and find out…

12 comments

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mischief85
More than a month ago

I desperatley need your help georgie, or anyones help for that matter. Im a single 34 guy and you say sex and intimacy is essential for everyone (which i agree with) im currently going through a drought that is now sitting at 8 years. Not 8 weeks not 8 months, 8 YEARS! I feel like im being torn apart from the inside out and am constantly struggling with depression along with feelings of extreme lonliness, unworthyness and just feeling like sex is something 'other' people have but not me. No women seems to want to have sex with me so im at my wits end. Please someone give me advice on how i can change this or what i can do. I miss the feeling of a womans soft skin on mine :(
- AMM.Editor
  More than a month ago
  
  A few suggestions which are related to the site for you.
  
  Your profile is well written, good pics and respectful so we suggest you put yourself out there a bit more and take advantage of the free chatroom every evening. This will help you connect with more people and get noticed.
  
  If it’s more about sex than the relationship then, when parties start up again find something which might appeal and go along. It doesn’t have to be a sex party although Melbourne has plenty of those where respectful single guys are welcome. Curious Creatures run some fabulous workshops and in fact Georgie even runs one of them. They also run a night called Curiously Social which sounds fantastic.
  
  Read more on the blog about approaching women and getting more sex. Chris Manak is a men’s dating coach and his article is pretty spot on as are Nicole’s articles “How to talk a woman into bed” and “The sexual science behind online dating”. Don’t just read the articles though, read the comments by women. And a good reply to a comment is a great introduction.
  
  If you are living with depression we can’t stress enough that you should reach out to friends, family, your doctor or one of the amazing organisations who are there to listen and offer advice.
- mischief85
  More than a month ago
  
  Thank you for your reply. Your right about not putting myself out there enough. I guess thats because i have body image issues which are holding me back. I think im so unattractive that approaching and trying to talk to women, feels like im about to enter a war zone. Im about to start therapy in 2 weeks so hopefully that helps me uncover why i fear women and put them on a pedastol.
- AMM.Editor
  More than a month ago
  
  Sounds like chat might be perfect for you. You will expand your virtual social circle and build confidence and banter with other members.
Reply
DDdelite
More than a month ago

Thank you for this article Georgie. Very helpful and well said. I know I absolutely thrive on touch and I've really missed a man's touch as he devours every inch of my body. I'm an extrovert and a bit of a slut, but a very safe slut, so it's been doubly hard.
- GeorgieWolf
  More than a month ago
  
  A safe slut is the best kind of slut! And honestly, I think finding safer ways to hook up while we deal with this pandemic is much better than trying to do without, then doing risky stuff when the pressure gets too much to bear! Xx
- Account Closed
  More than a month ago
  
  I meant that whilst I may sleep with my fair share of men, I always use a condom.
  
  I'm not having sex with anyone new during lock down.
Reply
shyone520
More than a month ago

It's difficult enough to find ANY sort of FB, much less one who will be around just while covid is.
Reply
ShyLover73
More than a month ago

This will become our new ‘normal’ with covid19 (C19) around we all need to be more aware of not just ourselves but those around us, some of us have family members who fall in the at high risk level of C19, and we have to take extra care with whom we play with.
Reply
badthoughts63
More than a month ago

I'd love to have an iso fuck buddy right now! My hand is getting a bit tired :)
- Davidw696
  More than a month ago
  
  Yeah I agree have to sit no my hands to make them numb to think someone else is doing it haha
- Yogi642
  More than a month ago
  
  Sex toys are doing a roaring trade. Fleshlight dudes. You and Mrs Palmer can only remain friends for so long.
Reply

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