Bisexual women and sex apps - where men & couples get it wrong

Two bisexual women in bed sharing an intimate moment and laughing

Online adult dating can be as exciting and thrilling, as it is challenging and frustrating. Finding love and lust with strangers isn’t for the faint of heart. For queer women, often the mere whisper of the word ‘bi’, ‘queer’ or ‘lesbian’ on your profile can open the digital doors to a whole lot of invasive questions and propositions from creepily curious strangers. Whether you’re a queer woman looking for dates, a straight man who’s had his interest piqued by a bisexual babe, or you’re a couple looking for a third to join you for some fun times, here are a few things for Adult Match Maker members to consider when creating profiles and striking up conversations respectfully with each other.

Fill out your dating profile in full 

This is an important one. Writing an online dating profile can be a daunting task – it can feel unnatural having to tell the world about yourself. But it’s imperative that you fill out your profile in full with as much detail as possible, because it lets other members on Adult Match Maker know what you are actually seeking and what you want them to know. Include some information about who you are and what makes you tick, as well as letting members know the type of people and dynamics you’re open to. Select your sexuality and what you are seeking and if you are monogamous or open to more fluid relationships. The site now allows you pick the option of ‘heteroflexible’ if you feel that suits you more accurately than bisexual or queer. The more information you include, the more likely you are to find the right match and avoid timewasters. 

Sexuality is not a green light

‘Bisexuality’, ‘queer’ and ‘lesbian’ are words that tend to be hyper-sexualised in society, especially when it comes to bisexual, queer and lesbian women on sex dating sites. A woman including the word ‘bi’ on her dating profile shouldn’t be an advertisement or green light for unwanted attention. Just because she identifies as something more fluid than ‘straight’, doesn’t mean it’s an invitation to ask invasive questions about how many women she’s been with or explicit details about her imagined sexual preferences. Every bi, lesbian and queer woman at some stage in their life has had a man (or twelve) probe them for sapphic sexual stories. Don’t be the person who sees the word ‘bi’ and takes it as an opportunity to be creepy. Always be respectful. Bi, lesbian and queer babes are people too. 

Read profiles thoroughly 

Make sure you thoroughly read someone’s profile before you contact them. Understand that sexuality is not an indicator of someone’s relationship history or preferred sexual dynamic. It’s virtually impossible to predict someone’s sexual taste or what someone is seeking on a sex dating website, purely by their sexuality and pictures. Contacting a bi girl who explicitly states she’s currently looking for a girlfriend or a lesbian who explicitly says she doesn’t want to see couples, is a waste of time for everyone and shows you haven’t read the member’s profile. Actively look for people whose criteria you fit, and if you’re not sure, ask but don’t be pushy.

People use dating sites for different reasons

It’s important to understand that everybody uses dating sites for different reasons. From long-term love to lascivious lust and everything in between, we’ve all got our own itch to scratch and a preference for how we’d like it scratched and by who. On adult dating sites like Adult Match Maker, you’re going to stumble across lots of different people with lots of different preferences. For example, you might stumble across a woman who identifies as bisexual or queer, but her profile might say that she is only interested in women at present, or that she wants to date men, but isn’t interested couples. Sometimes these preferences might seem confusing or complex, but the reality is that sexuality is complex and no two bi or queer babes are the same. Attraction is just as important for bi and queer women as it is for everyone else. Reducing someone to a sexual act or stereotype isn’t cool or conducive to getting a date or having a meaningful connection. Just because someone identifies as bi or queer doesn’t mean she’s automatically up for whatever sexual experimentation or entertainment you’ve got in mind. Don’t try to look for loop holes that aren’t there. 

Adult Match Maker aims to create a safe space and make room for everyone’s preferences, so if you’re a lesbian, queer or bisexual woman on Adult Match Maker and you don’t want to be contacted by men, you can enable Contact Filters to filter them from contacting you on Messenger. 

Don’t be a unicorn hunter

Ahh the dreaded unicorn hunters! A unicorn hunter generally refers to a couple (straight male, bi-curious or bisexual woman) who are seeking an uninhibited third (generally a bisexual woman) to join them. If your fantasy involves watching your partner experience the sapphic sensations of mind-blowing sex with another woman, be respectful and realistic of who you contact. Of course, a lesbian is likely to show your gal an extremely good time, but is it realistic to expect she will be up for it with you watching from the corner? Some might. I for one love a good lesbian cuckold. However, targeting queer and bisexual women under the assumption that they will fulfil the role in your fantasy is not recommended. Be aware that if you start recruit lesbians, bi and queer women to fulfil a role in your fantasy, expect to hit a few dead ends. Stick with organising trysts with thirds who are actively seeking a couple that fits your dynamic to play with. Queer women shouldn’t have to be solicited for threesomes every time they log in.

Take rejection in your stride

Nobody likes rejection. Rejection sucks, but it’s part and parcel with online dating. Reframe rejection as feedback for future interactions and always remain respectful. Don’t pile on the embarrassment by being overly-persistent or lashing out with an indignant response if you've been politely rejected. No one owes you anything. Everyone’s got their own shit going on. Take rejection in your stride and recognise that there are plenty of other potential women in the sea.

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