How to go Down on a Woman … When You’re a Woman

Young woman with cropped hair and a pierced tongue licking a lolly

Nine times out of ten, when you see depictions of oral sex in a movie, it’s nearly always a woman who is a giving a man a blowjob. Hardly ever do you see a man give a woman cunnilingus, and rarer still, do you see women going down on each other (thank the lesbian gods for The L Word reboot).

It’s a sad fact that a lot of the messages women are fed about sex, revolves around penises. We’re not taught to expect to receive head, although we’re expected to give it. From non LGBTI-inclusive sex education at school, to growing up with Cosmo & Cleo magazines relentless The Same Bloody 10 Blow Job Tips articles, to porn often making cunnilingus look like a hurried unerotic aggressively stamp-licking before the penis enters the scene, it’s no wonder women get nervous about giving other women pleasure when our sex doesn’t get as much air time as straight sex does. 

It should though. Finding yourself face-first between the thighs of a beautiful women is a blessed experience. Whenever a woman cums in your mouth, it’s a fact that the room will suddenly be filled with the sound of bells and flutes, while smiling woodland creatures flock to the perimeter of the bed. Eating pussy feels like a goddamn revolution.

However, from terrible fingering to using your mouth like a washing machine on the spin cycle, there is so much terrible cunnilingus advice on the internet. Here are a few things I wish I knew when I started going down on women.

Every body is different

It’s a cliché because it’s true. It doesn’t matter if you’ve gone down on one vagina or 500 of them, every one is different. Everybody has things they love, like, are partial to, are curious about and just plain don’t like. Everyone responds differently to sexual stimulation. Just because you might like someone blowing bubbles on your clit while they finger you to the rhythm of “Santa Baby”, doesn’t mean your lover will. There is no one way to eat pussy.

Cum-munication is key

Lost down there? Don’t be afraid to ask for direction. If someone takes the initiative to plant themselves between my thighs and give me oral sex, I’m more than happy to give them some guidance. Plus, wanting to please your partner is hot. As things start getting hot, ask them what they like. If they can’t tell you because they’re not sure or they’re shy, take your sweet time exploring their body with your hands and mouth and encourage them to tell you as it happens. Your lack of experience isn’t a detriment – we all had to start somewhere! And some of us delight in playing teacher… When it comes down to it, you can have great technique, but in the end, communication wins.

Aural sex

I’m seasoned at giving head to women, yet I still have these ingrained hangups about receiving it. For me, it’s an instant turn on (and verbal relaxant) when someone tells me what they want to do to me. Tell your partner how badly you want to go down on them, how you want to taste them and give them pleasure. The more relaxed and receptive your partner is, the more likely you both are to have a good time. Also, while you’re going down on her, don’t be afraid to make some noise. She’ll want to know that you’re enjoying yourself too.

Read her body

You can pick up a lot of cues by paying attention to your someone’s body while you’re between their legs. Is she grinding her hips? What’s her breathing like? Are her toes curling? Is she talking in tongues while gripping your hair and bucking against you like a lesbian bronco out of the gate? Or is she lying on the bed like a disinterested starfish? 

Be a clit tease

The best oral sex experiences I’ve had, almost always involved a long, drawn out tease… Teasing heightens anticipation and builds tension. Being edged towards an orgasm with a tongue that’s building you up without allowing you to burst is the best kind of torture. Be a clit tease and avoid the clitoris until the end. Yes… you heard me. Start by running your hands up and down her inner thighs, ignoring her pussy entirely. Kiss and lick her inner thighs, letting your hot breath tease her outer labia before you move on to kissing somewhere else. Raise the stakes by running your fingers across the outside of her pussy, following the creases between her labia and thighs. Resist the urge to get too eager. Eventually, get your mouth involved by kissing and licking her outer labia before returning to her inner thighs and stomach. Tease the vaginal opening with your tongue. Take it slow. Build the delicious tease. The whole vulva is a hot bed of nerve endings. You know you’re going to lick her clitoris. She knows you’re going to lick her clitoris – but she doesn’t know when.

Use your whole mouth

When it does come to giving the clitoris attention, don’t aggressively flick your tongue against it like a race. Get your whole mouth involved. Oral sex is so much more than licking a clitoris with the tip of your tongue. Start by flattening your tongue and slowly licking from the perineum up and over her clitoris. Suck on the clitoral hood while running your tongue around the clit. Kiss and press your mouth against different parts of the vulva. Kissing and lick the vaginal opening and outer labia. Sometimes making (genuine) appreciative noises while you’re going down on someone communicates to them not only that you’re into it, but can also additionally add a vibration sensation.

Add penetration

Adding penetration of fingers or toys can take the sensation of oral sex to a toe-curling, sheet-gripping level. Some people like the addition of penetration during oral, some people prefer external stimulation only and some of us… like it all. Find out what your partner likes. If she’s up for penetration, start with a finger or two, hooking it into a come-hither motion. Use your fingers gently for a bit – reading her body language – before adding your mouth back into the mix. Multi-tasking is your friend! Slide your fingers or a toy in and out while running circles over the clitoris with your mouth. Mix up the sensation by keeping your fingers or a toy moving inside while your mouth travels up to kiss or whisper dirty talk in her ear.

Orgasm shouldn’t be the goal

Don’t make orgasm the goal – your goal should be purely about making someone feel good. If I ever feel hurried or like someone is trying to make me cum really quickly, my brain starts to overthink and the chance of me orgasming drops to 1%. If someone doesn’t cum when you’re going down on them, don’t take it personally. Some women just prefer to (or can only) come in other ways.

Check in

Like everything, oral sex gets better with practice. Once playtime is over, make sure you check in with your partner. Ask them what they liked the most and store those notes in the oral sex Rolodex in your head. This will help you improve your skills. After all, sex is all about learning, growing and having fun while doing it.

28 comments

  • LuluandHarry

    LuluandHarry

    More than a month ago

    What a great article! I'm looking forward to the day when I can experience this fully with a woman:)

    Reply
  • WLK0877

    WLK0877

    More than a month ago

    Good read, hopefully I can put this into practice

    Reply
  • Pearl686852

    Pearl686852

    More than a month ago

    I agree, every woman is different.

    Reply
  • sexintheday

    sexintheday

    More than a month ago

    Thank for this I am heading into my first hook up (via AMM) with another woman and it is good to know some of the basics. What you said, about warming up rather than heading straight for the clit is something i prefer, but, imagining myself with a woman, I did not think of it.

    Reply
  • Daveedmay

    Daveedmay

    More than a month ago

    Thanks for the article, I love starting by going down on her, let's promote an open conversation, it can't hurt...

    Reply
  • Kookaburra66

    Kookaburra66

    More than a month ago

    i love to perform oral sex and i enjoy it .i like the smell and taste of a woman i like please .i will try to slow down and tease more .i love it when a woman comes in my mouth it nearly makes me cum .. i will try to follow instructions

    Reply
  • SweetestSins

    SweetestSins

    More than a month ago

    Amen sister! Love this.

    I can’t get past your job title “professional pervert”! That’s the best! Keep up the good work I love your articles x

    Reply
  • MindfoodMD

    MindfoodMD

    More than a month ago

    I'm down with this :)

    Reply
  • Photos in private gallery

    jenoo1

    More than a month ago

    I've always loved giving head to women and never had a problem satisfying. I've found that giving her head really relaxes her and eases her nerves, opens her up for a full session together.
    Reading her body, breathing and moans really do help. Sometimes they cum from internal stimulation so fingers are key there.

    Reply
  • Pearllicker

    Pearllicker

    More than a month ago

    Great article, each woman unique yes, take our time.

    Reply
  • Photos in private gallery

    Sissymilf

    More than a month ago

    I am so glad i never have to go near one of these.sound way too much like a lot if hard work ending up in a sore tongue, a stiff neck and cramped up fingers. Give me a nice tasty cock any day

    • friskypuz

      Account Closed

      More than a month ago

      But I bet you like it when it's done to you?

    • MandyMaree7329

      Account Closed

      More than a month ago

      And sucking a cock isn’t work, please .......

    Reply
  • friskypuz

    friskypuz

    More than a month ago

    Having had the pleasure of a few bi curious ladies, but to be disappointed when they didn't return the favour..
    Not to mention the men who like to tell you how good they are at going down south and yet when they do it's not as good as they think it is for the women..

    Reply
  • Photos in private gallery

    libidineux100

    More than a month ago

    Great pointers to oral stimulation. Yeas tease is the key here. Oiled finger play of pussy lips. Tongue sweeping of inner and outer lips. Soft sweeping of clit hood. Finally clit and nipple play together..... Wet finger stroking corrugations on upper vaginal wall, come hither while clit licking....... Listening to your lover going to heaven in sounds...... moans, quivers, shakes. Music to a true lovers ears................... A woman's full come is an awesome experience on a guy's head. Relax her with some sweet whispers to her ear and then repeat slowly for orgasm No 2 and multiple's until your woman is exhausted with pleasure. A guarantee that she will put you in her heart as a true soul-mate, lover and more and call you again and again to take her to heaven................
    Michael

    • BareNakedLady73

      BareNakedLady73

      More than a month ago

      Not to put any pressure on a woman at all lol Multiples lol
      I'm sorry but I'm sort of laughing while I read your piece.
      You've beautifully illustrated a point. The point being that all people are different and respond individually - not being what you think every woman likes because you tried it with a couple of women and that's what they told you worked for them.
      Clit and nipple play together is awesome - so long as you have sensitive nipples that respond to that. A lot of women don't.
      It annoys me a bit because it's like, hang on, where does what I want, come into it and what turns ME on? For me, a huge part of that is being allowed to explore a man's body and wanting him to feel pleasure and sensations etc...
      The most disappointing lovers I've had have been men who are SO focused on what they think a woman wants rather than actually watching and listening to her. It's not always about what you are doing to her that is turning her on!! She has ideas too lol
      All I'm saying is - be careful assuming that your technique above works for all women. It most probably will not and you'll miss out!

    • Photos in private gallery

      libidineux100

      More than a month ago

      Velvet Strokes good morning and thanks for apt reply.
      When intimate with a woman I do listen as to what particular fetishes or techniques bring her most pleasure. Correct the experiences that excite one woman may not be the same for another. I enjoy adapting to her fantasies and desires. I do listen and feel to her sounds and movements as to wether she may be enjoying the experience or not.
      With going down or with intimate sex it's about being flexible to the partners undiscovered fantasies and little fetishes. Experimenting and taking in the experience in the hope that by pleasing her one becomes her best lover.
      Pity we are a little far. Still don't think I may tick all your boxes.
      Always a trying to be the best lover...... morning glory?
      Michael Xo

    Reply
  • Ifuwannadome

    Ifuwannadome

    More than a month ago

    I prefer to throw formalities out and just ride a guy lol

    Reply
  • Twistsandbends

    Twistsandbends

    More than a month ago

    A well researched article and you have covered many important aspects about going down on a woman
    Coincidentally I have just posted a rhyme of my own about pussy licking in the Members stories and I write ....
    ‘Don’t rush headlong down to my Lady Jane .?That to me would be such a shame,?and I hope this next suggestion is not in vain ?I love to be kissed again and again?
    But everywhere! Not just down there? On my pussy fair?My breasts, my lips, my thighs, my toes, my tummy, and my rounded derrière’
    The rhyme also offers other suggestions when a lover is going down so I trust you may find the rhyme of interest
    Julie

    Reply
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    Coolas121

    More than a month ago

    Love the article,
    I just wish women weren't so afraid to talk about what they like between the legs. It's not taboo! It's just a shared moment of human expression, a very natural state of being!
    I and most gentleman are only more than willing to provide the best explosive orgasm we can to a lady, in which way the lady desires the experience!

    Reply
  • Begansw

    Begansw

    More than a month ago

    This is a great Article worth reading thank you.

    Reply
  • IVAONE60

    IVAONE60

    More than a month ago

    Very good reading as its not all about us guys when it comes to sex. I really love going down between a womens thighs nothing better then spending along time giving her lots of attention and lapping up her juces . Giving women head is the best thing.

    Reply
  • BareNakedLady73

    BareNakedLady73

    More than a month ago

    I truly hope that a lot of men also read this article and take something from it.
    You've hit on SO many areas that are also identifiable when it comes to a man going down on a woman - not just woman on woman.
    Actually, I am not sure why you didn't just name the article - great tips for going down on a woman for everyone!
    There are a couple of things I've found that men consistently make the mistake of doing - treating all women they have been with the same. Guys, it is obvious when you're doing this so buck up and lift your game.
    General failure to read a woman's body and the way she is responding, or even worse, recognising it and continuing to repeat what you're doing!
    Selfish lover's - male or female - are the worst. The truly sad part for people who are selfish lovers is that they will never actually appreciate or probably achieve - great, passionate sex.
    I LOVE that you make the point that the orgasm shouldn't be the goal.
    If you're making your lover feel good, it's not about an orgasm, I promise!

    • Twistsandbends

      Account Closed

      More than a month ago

      Enjoyed reading your profile Simply loved your ingenious way of discerning if your profile has been read ? And also I agree that it is the journey that's important, and to not make achieving an orgasm the primary pursuit .
      Have just posted a rhyme Titled 'Pussy licking over rated' but it is pending approval from the censors

    • BareNakedLady73

      BareNakedLady73

      More than a month ago

      hahahaha, thank you!
      Yes, it helps sort the wheat from the chaff lol
      You've written some great poetry btw!
      x

    Reply
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    skipper1070

    More than a month ago

    Great advice and am sure the ladies will appreciate us putting it into practice. For me I love licking around a nice pussy it turns me on no end.

    Reply
  • homealone678

    homealone678

    More than a month ago

    Thankyou for the advice. It's a really good article and great refresher/expander on some techniques and ideas to get a female partner really turned on to you. I liked the tease section-lots of us guys think getting to 'the spot' really fast is what it's all about. I'm taking a fresh look at all of this.

    Reply
  • 1plusyou

    1plusyou

    More than a month ago

    Oh yes there is nothing better than going down on a sweet tasting sweet smelling Lady after she is the most important part of any sexual activity

    Reply
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