Let’s Bust Some Myths about Kink Parties

Kink parties, like BDSM in general, are often cloaked in mystery and when you’ve actually been to a kink event or spoken to people active in the lifestyle who regularly attend events, you’ll realise the guys at the pub are probably not your best source of information. We asked MisKnickers to dispel some of the myths surrounding kink parties that prevent people from taking the plunge.

Kink parties are basically orgies

I’ve got good news and bad news - kink parties are absolutely not orgies. This is great for those who assumed there was pressure to sexually hook-up, and probably disappointing for those who thought it was a free pass to getting laid. This misconception is fairly prevalent, and probably arises from the fact that there are kink parties that allow sex on premises, and even though they are in a minority, they attract the most attention.

People attend kink parties for many reasons, but mostly to catch up with friends, socialise with like-minded people, wear something shiny and participate - even simply as a viewer - in kink.

I’ll be forced to do something I don’t want to do and I might get hurt

Consent is the key to any kink play - and coercion, be it subtle or overt - has no place in consent culture. That’s not to say people won’t occasionally try, but it does empower you to decline in no uncertain terms, and more often than not, that ‘no’ will be met with respect. Also keep in mind that not all kink practices are dependent on the giving or receiving of pain - you don’t have to get ‘hurt’ to play. There is so much to indulge in without going near anything that could possibly hurt ie. sensory teasing or light rope play.

I’ll be outed

Kink events have a very basic business need to provide discretion - the event just won’t attract patrons if a safe space can’t be established. Many party organisers work under pseudonyms, some needing to remain anonymous so as not to threaten their day-to-day jobs, so the need for privacy is not taken for granted. Most kink parties won’t allow personal photography, opting instead for on-site photographers taking photos at the request of patrons. Kink does encourage masks, wigs, and general dress-ups, and some patrons will take extra measure to protect their identity by using those things.

Rest assured if you do see someone from your “vanilla” life at an event they’re not going to rush up to you at the water cooler asking if you enjoyed the fisting display at Saturday night’s party. To be honest you’re more likely to be the one who “outs” yourself because you will be busting to tell someone about your amazing party experience!

I have nothing to wear to a kink event

Forget the idea that you have to spend hundreds of dollars on lingerie, latex, or leather. In fact, forget the idea that you have to spend anything, or even wear fetish gear. Kink parties do have a dress code, and even encourage dressing for the occasion when offering themes throughout the year. But these themes are not rules on how to dress. For the most part, you’ll be fine in basic black or clubwear, but do check the party info for details on the specific dress code - they do vary.

Really, all you need to do is show that you’ve read and understood the dress code, and you’ve made an effort to adhere.

Fitting in means getting naked or exposing a lot of skin

Nope. As mentioned above, as long as you fulfill the basic dress code requirements, there are no expectations on how much skin your outfit does or doesn’t show. Fitting in has more to do with being genuinely curious and respectful of the rules and boundaries established at the particular party. In general, kink parties only allow full nudity during play and the level of nudity would be agreed to with full consent. Similar to the orgy myth, it’s not a bunch of naked people running amok.

Kinky men prey on women at parties

This is a myth generally perpetuated by crime fiction and has no basis in reality. Kink parties are well-policed, not only by floorstaff known as Dungeon Masters/Mistresses (DMs), but by the community at large. Predatory behaviour is simply unacceptable. Aside from this, the ‘No Means No’ policy is a basic premise at kink parties; you only need say no once. One of the reasons many people enjoy kink events, is in fact, the relative lack of creepers as opposed to a mainstream nightclub.

There won’t be any younger people there

There’s an idea that kink events are full of older, horny couples, looking for something to spice up their sex life or older dominant men looking for submissive women and that the events are not particularly welcoming to younger people wanting to explore their kink. While there are indeed many gorgeous, older couples attending kink events, there are also many wonderful younger couples, and singles, and groups of friends attending together. And although they may not be marketed as such, there are events and event organisers with an aesthetic that attracts a younger crowd with more focus on music, dance, performances and even pre-party workshops for new players.

All said, the only way you’re going to separate the myth from the reality is by heading along; maybe you’ll be hooked, or maybe it doesn’t end up being for you. It would just be fantastic for more open-minded people to see the reality of kink, and give us more opportunity to break down some of the persistent, and annoyingly off-putting myths.  

Plus, maybe someday you can tell the boys down the pub what it’s really all about. 

3 comments

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  sensxy

  More than a month ago

  Nice post solid information.

  Reply
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  Do_it_4_Fun

  More than a month ago

  To be honest i just miss party's! dam this whole new COVID world its limiting.
  Understand its necessary just miss pre Covid fun

  Reply
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  bestperson

  More than a month ago

  Sounds fun anyone interested

  Reply